So I totally had a plan to post something funny today about almost peeing myself and then I decided to be super honest for a minute. I mean, that story would have been honest too. It’s just that this one is about that feeling when you have a knot in your stomach and you feel like you might hurl.
I posted a picture of myself on Facebook and Twitter.
Yeah, I know. Not so scary considering that I often post silly pictures of myself on my blog. However, this picture wasn’t one of those self-portraits where you can just see my face or my hair. I posted a picture of my body.
A body that I’m not completely happy with right now.
A body that is at its highest weight since I had my baby.
So why did I do it if it was so darn scary? Why not just keep posting pretty shots of me smiling with a cup of coffee? Or old pictures from my wedding over 4 years ago where I have professionally done makeup and a super awesome corset?
Well, when I was talking about my style rut a couple weeks ago I actually went looking through pictures on my personal Facebook page to illustrate how I pretty much always wear the same thing. As I was searching I realized that I haven’t taken an actual full body shot of my non-pregnant self in years.
None from before I was pregnant and definitely none from after Jack was born. Well, there is one family picture from Christmas, but I’m wearing flannel pj pants and holding Jack in front of my belly. So that kind of doesn’t count.
The point is I’m NOT happy with how I look right now. And there is unfortunately no magical way to blink and lose a bunch of weight. So this is how I look and I’m trying to own it.
This body created a healthy little boy.
This body has had cancerous pieces cut off and is still kicking.
This body has run 5k races and lived to tell the tale.
Yes, in the picture I’m looking down a little bit which creates a horrible double-chin. And yes, I’m not the size I want to be. But until I AM that size, I need to be okay with that.
So thank you to any of you who left me a nice comment on my Facebook page. It honestly made me feel so much less scared to put myself out there.
My goal is to get back to eating healthy and get back in shape, so that I’m proud to post a picture of myself for you to see.
Until then though, I’m going to be okay with what I’ve got. Actually, you know what? I’m not going to be okay with it, I’m going to ROCK the heck out of it.
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