Does My Husband Have to Spend Mother's Day With His Mother?

3 years ago

Dear TMH,

Mother's Day is coming up, which would be wonderful in theory. A day to sleep in and be treated like royalty, right? However, my MIL lives nearby, and that raises some issues. Am I obligated to spend the day with her? She seems to expect us to do something with her, and I don't really want to do that.  My husband is caught in the middle, because he wants to make us both happy. But hasn't she had her share of Mother's Days?



It's MY Day, Dammit

Credit Image: Matt McGee on Flickr

Dear It's MY Day Dammit,

OK, baby. This is what I want you to do. Close your eyes and imagine yourself in 30 years when your children are grown, married and have their own kids. With me so far? Now imagine it's Mother's Day, and your son calls you and says, "Hey, Mom.  My wife is insisting we take her out to brunch and pamper her today, so it looks like you're on your own. But seriously, you've had a good run, right?  Who needs to be appreciated and loved at your age? Haha—you're almost dead, anyway! Now order yourself a pizza, watch some Bravo and make it a special day, lady. Ciao for now!"

Yowza. As the mother of two boys, I have to say that if they do this crap to me when they're grown-ass men, I'll cry for a few hours, then I'll wonder where I went wrong in raising them because mothers should always be treated with respect. Especially on a holiday that has the word "Mother" in the name, for goodness sake.

Now, are you "obligated" to spend the day with her? Of course not. And if your MIL is a normal person, I'm sure she doesn't want you to spend 10 hours doing her bidding on Mother's Day, either. (Fun fact: Most grandmas have their own lives.) Therefore, would it kill you to sleep in, get your breakfast in bed and then maybe take her to a nice family brunch? You can wear a tiara if it makes you feel more special. Then you can do whatever you want to do for the rest of the day.

My advice is that you put your own wants aside for an hour on Mother's Day and let your MIL and your husband enjoy this day, too. It's the least you can do for another mother.

Good luck,

Wendi, TMH



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