There are moments when I wonder "Did I do the right thing?" I doubt there's a parent out there who hasn't thought that at some point in time. We are responsible for helping our children learn right from wrong, independence, manners, life skills, etc. We are responsible for keeping them safe, making sound decisions for their health, well being, present and future. Sometimes knowing our decisions are correct is a bit of gamble. I don't know how many times I have questioned myself.
Over the years I've found that making decisions about my daughter's medical or developmental needs have been the toughest to make. I remember every moment I had to sign a consent to medical treatment. I remember seeing her body go limp each time they put her to sleep for a procedure. I remember sitting in waiting rooms glancing at the clock only to find just one minute had gone by. Mostly, I remember trying to hold back the question "Did I do the right thing?"
I've always believe you should be careful what you throw out there to the universe. Call it superstitious, over cautious, or whatever you like. I just figure we've had enough negativity and don't want to attract more. I've never questioned if I'm a good mother. I think this is something that came natural to me. That doesn't mean I can't make mistakes.
For the last week and a half, I have opted not to take Callie to school. There is a bad bug going around and I didn't want to risk her getting that sick. "Did I do the right thing?" Maybe. The fact is children with disabilities often can't keep up and fall behind at school. Every minute she is away will cost her greatly.
In a few weeks I'm having surgery and will be off my feel for 6 to 8 weeks. I'm confident about having the surgery but I worry how far it will set my daughter behind again. How much school will she miss because there is no accessible school bus and I may not be able to drive her? How many activities, therapies, etc., will she have to pass on? The question will haunt me every time she misses something because of me, "Did I do the right thing?" I know I need the surgery but I continue to wonder if it's the best time and how much it will cost my little girl. So for now, I can only hope it will all work out.
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