Desires of the Heart... what we want in a life partner

4 years ago

I am surrounded by women who are divorced, just going through a break-up, or have never found the right person. These are fabulous women who would be a blessing to any man’s life. They certainly are a blessing to my life.

I have been reevaluating and trying to wrap my mind around what these fabulous women are looking for in a man and what my husband offers me that protects our marriage after all these years of hills and valleys. I’ve come up with a list of what they want… what I want… what most of us want in a life partner.


We don’t want someone who is guarded and wrapped in a blanket of protection… but someone who is vulnerable, raw, and open. We want someone who will let us in… even into those places that are dark and wounded. We are wounded too.

We don’t want someone who tries to heal our wounds…. but someone who allows us the space we need to embrace healing… define what healing means for us… change our perspective about the wound. We all need a change.

We don’t want someone to remain the same… but someone willing to change… someone willing to accept the challenge to constantly become a better person. We all need accountability to become a better version of us.

We don’t want someone who becomes what we want them to become… but someone who will become a better person for us. We all want to be the reason they are a better person… each step along their journey a little bit better because we are by their side.

We don’t want someone who will stunt our growth or inhibit our personal journey… but someone who will grow along side us and intertwine their journey with ours. We all have our own journey… separate worlds yet the same.  

We don’t want a passive participant in our world… but someone who will fight for us. We want someone who will do what it takes and stand-up for our love. We all want to know that we are worth fighting for… and worth loving.

We don’t want someone who places conditions on their expression of love… but someone who will love us for who we are… the old us, the current us, and the future us. We all want someone who will love us for the crazy, hot mess we really are… learning to love us and accept us for those things instead of trying to save us from those things.

We don’t want a superhero or someone who will rush in to save the day… we don’t want a savior… but someone who loves the Savior with all of their heart, soul, strength, and mind. We all need the love, peace, courage, and balance that only He can offer.

Certainly this list is by no means exhaustive. There are personal preferences and love languages to consider as well; however, these are the wants and don’t wants that I hear over and over again in the voices of the fabulous women in my life. These are the reasons my marriage has stood the test of time. These are the desires of the heart… the healing heart, the broken heart, the loved heart… the whole heart. 

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