Today is Mother's Day and I am all alone. As the mother of three children who all live in different places, it is difficult to express to you my disappointment in your comment this morning. I understand that we are a blended family and that it is not your fault that my children are not here by my side with gifts and well wishes, but the truth is, I have handled my sadness about that, with them. You, on the other hand, didn't allow me to grieve about how painful it is. You did not give me an opportunity to embrace the wrenching pain in my heart so that I could learn from it. You also gave me no support by helping the little eight year old lady who lives in our home, find a way to please me so that I could have had a great day. Instead, you just became angry at me for expressing my frustration about this day being meaningless and horrible. I rose from our bed to find the kitchen a mess, the dog chewing on trash and the dishes still in the sink.
I know that you work hard, husband. I understand that you rise early and do a young man's job though we are not twenty somethings anymore. The fact is, I remain guilted by every day that I DON'T work because you seem to easily remind me when our home is not spotless, and I make you angry. I enjoyed in our earlier years, hearing from you that it didn't matter to you whether or not I worked. I like to have the freedom to work when I want and stay home a couple days of the week to sweep and mop and do the mounds of laundry that seem to accumulate out of nowhere.
Here is my most sincere and honest reply to your unthoughtful comment. I love you. I am angry that you didn't seem to care whether today was special for me from start to end. I'm jealous that you find it so easy to leave me and spend time with your family but to not care how I feel as I sit here alone. I do know that it isn't your fault that my older daughter and son couldn't fit me into their agenda's today. But atleast they called and posted on Facebook and made a bit of effort to tell me how great I am to them. I hope their lives continue to be happy and full of success and though I will not pretend to be Mother of the Year, I should think it would go without saying, that I am a great Mom for wanting that for them.
Dear husband, some days I just want to leave here. I want to go away alone and sulk. I have a woman's heart that desperately clings to your kindness and sympathetic words and today, I am falling. I've nothing to cling to and no one to cheer me on. I have a headache, my dear. It has knowingly been around for five days now. It started to wain until I cried so hard feeling that I meant NOTHING to any member of my family. Now it's back. I can't see very well today, my darling, because of my eye condition, yet I am forcing myself to write these words to help you understand my weakness. I am selfish today, and though I know it is sinful to remain in this state, I can't find my way out. You are my support and my map to better places, but you have left me alone! I don't blame you for avoiding confrontation sometimes and I have a true desire to see you happy. I'm sorry for torturing you this morning and I hope that when you read this, you will have already forgiven me.
My Dearest Husband, life is short and I don't know how long mine will last. Please consider showing the kindness to me that you wish to receive and I will try to do the same. You are the leader and I am trying to follow but somedays your path is not clear and I need your help, your patience and your God given wisdom in order to find my way deeper into your heart.
I Love You,
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