Put Your Kid On A Leash
How many of you clicked on this post just because you think I’m a horrible person for saying that? Well, I am. But here’s the thing.
This is your dog on a leash.
This is your kid that should be on a leash but is instead laying in the middle of the driveway throwing a temper tantrum because she doesn’t want to go home.
That’s my kid laying in the middle of the driveway throwing a temper tantrum because she doesn’t want to go home.
Have you seen those kids in the mall or at the fair on a leash? It’s either on their wrist, or they use the backpack kind, which is supposedly more humane. I looked at those mothers and judged them. What kind of crappy parents need to put their kid on a leash? If your daughter is kicking and screaming in the middle of the grocery store, do the rest of us a favor and leave. Some of us have good kids that don’t act up in public. If your little darling doesn’t know how to behave, leave him home. I don’t want to listen to him whine.
The truth is, I do have good kids that don’t act up in public. They’re teenagers now, but even when they were little, they did what they were asked and the worst thing they ever did in public was whimper. Surely, if I was an 18-year-old mother and my kid wasn’t an animal like yours, you are the problem. You are a bad parent, and you should either discipline your kid or stay home.
Then A was born. I believe that she is my punishment for judging other parents. A needs a leash. I haven’t gone out and actually bought one yet, but I have considered it on numerous occasions. She stands up in the shopping cart and tries to get out. If I let her out, she runs away. Everything, from diaper changes to getting in and out of the car and even playing on the playground leads to a fight or a tantrum. She jumps on the furniture. She runs in the house. She throws her food at the dinner table. She screams at the top of her lungs when she doesn’t get her way. She is, for all intents and purposes, THAT kid. And God help me, I am considering a leash. At least that way when she throws herself on the floor and starts kicking and screaming at the top of her lungs in the middle of Home Depot, I can pick her up and remove her from the store, sparing all of you perfect parents with your perfect kids from my child who lacks discipline. Then I can go home and sob as I clean tuna salad off of my hardwood floor.
To all of you parents who think your kid is good because you’re a good parent: you’re dead wrong. I’m sure parenting skills and discipline have something to do with it, but out of my three kids, I have two that rarely acted up, and one who reminds me of Animal on the Muppets. Remember him?
Obviously it’s a genetic thing, and not my parenting skills. They have all been raised the same and have the same rules. Some kids are just THAT kid.
So, let me make an official apology to all the parents of THAT kid. I’m so so so so sorry. I was ignorant and stuck up, and I’m sorry. I’m not the perfect parent I thought I was. I’m apparently far from it.
Speaking of THAT kid, I just heard a crash in the other room.
I better run.
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