My fiancé is everything I'm not. He is, for the most part, calm and cool and collected.
I am not.
He can quell whining with a single word, make the kids laugh without effort and even banish them to their rooms without seeming like a big meany.
Not to mention he looks even more calm, cool and collected next to my more intensely feisty and frazzled personality.
Yet, we found a way to make it work.
Our 4 year old daughter tells me several times a week that I am the Bestest Mommy in the whole WORRLDD. It’s always a shock to me because most days I feel like an ogre of a mother.
I know bestest isn’t a word, but I can't bring myself to correct her. One, because it’s so darn cute. Secondly, out of fear that the admonition will cause the compliment to stop.
This seems needy, but don’t judge me too harshly. I promise to correct it before she goes to Kindergarten. Besides, that compliment is a real pick me up. Especially, when I know sweet things like that will disappear the moment she reaches 3rd grade and learns Moms aren’t cool.
I often wonder if she tells me this because she knows I admire Dad’s external composure and it is her way of letting me know it’s okay to that I'm Mercurial Maniac Mommy. Because she knows having a mercurial maniac for a mom does have its special perks.
Who else is anal enough to go the extra mile to iron her clothes (including the socks) right before she puts them on, so they feel like a warm hug on cold Winter mornings?
Or, be competitive enough to have jumping rope contests in the middle of living room and teach her the mystical strategy to winning tic tac toe every single time?
Me, that’s who.
And while I may not be able to channel daddy’s calm cool collectedness as often as I would like; having him there to strike the balance and be my buffer, makes all the difference in the world.
For a long time, I saw his coolness as aloof, disinterested and detached. I would wonder, with my hair on fire, of course, “How can you sit there so unaffected with ALL THIS [Enter some random parenting/working/family crises here] going on?”
It was only recently that I realized how powerful his composure is in balancing the scales of my more intense nature. With me so amped up, someone had to remain underwhelmed and steady. Hindsight is King.
The more we learn to set the other person free to be who they are, the more acceptance and balance we find in being who we are.
When I focus on bringing it down and channeling his cool, this he frees him up to engage with more intensity, so that we balance each other out.
Is it perfect? No.
Have I gotten better at being more Mellow Mommy than Maniac Mommy? Yes.
In fact, I found my way to becoming a Liberated Mommy.
Now, if I could just get my 4 year old to send my 13 year old the, I know Mommy seems crazy, but she means well memo, I’d be okay…….
But, we’ll save that for another post. In the meantime, Be Liberated.
Finding a way to build parental synergy with your partner of an opposite demeanor. #That’s Liberation
Do you and your partner differ in personality styles? If so, what ways have you found to build parental or relationship synergy and balance each other out?
Leave me a comment below. I’d love to hear your thoughts.
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Photo Credit: raes_antics.
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