This past Thursday was the official first day of fall. I love fall...anyone who knows me knows this. I love the smells, the colors, the sounds, the feeling of change.... and I love reading 'fall" books to my girls!
But this year things were different. My girls were each about reading their own books....
CC was reading about mice, spiders and hamster...
Lena was busy reading "Diary of a Wimpy Kid"
And me... I was left playing on my iPhone. It just wasn't what it was supposed to be. How did this happen? WHEN did this happen? In one year? Really? I know they are growing up. I know that. But I never expected to see it this fast before my eyes. We girls always looked forward to getting a coffee from their Starbucks and then settling down around a table in the kids section to read Fall/Halloween books, do Halloween search and finds... and this year it just didn't happen. I admit, I conned Lena into letting me read "The Little Green Witch" to her..but you could tell it was only half-hearted. CC stood there beside us, leaning against a bookshelf listening. But that too was half-hearted. Their heart is no longer into the kid things I so desperately want to share with them. They still like to cuddle on the couch with me... I'll sratch their backs or rub their eyes... is that going to just suddenly stop too? They enjoy cooking with me..cutting my roses.. watching funny movies..looking at model homes. Will I need to prepare for them to only half-heartedly do these things with me, only to appease me somewhat? Can I pretend to enjoy their half-hearted attempts, even though I only want them to do these things because they WANT to...not because I want THEM to WANT to? Will I need to find new activities that they now enjoy doing? And am I doing that all ready? Like trips to the Petstore? Watching Zombie movies? Now that I think of it, do I approach those things with half-hearted interest? The way I could tangibly FEEL their lack of intrest at the bookstore, only to please me? My oldest is 14! She will be 15 in just a few months. Lena will leave her single digit years forever in three months... I have to learn to embrace theses changes because all too soon they will be gone too. And then it will be too late! Why is it so hard to accept that? So now, as I finish writing this... I will be leaving back to the petstore because CC wants another pet rat. That's right... a pet rat. I swore up and down that I would never, never ever, in my life EVER accept a pet rat in my house. It just wasn't happening. But you didn't see that smile that couldn't..wouldn't ...leave her face last night as she carried her new rat home. You didn't feel those hugs that were too many to count or the "thank you's" that had no end. You didn't hear her say more than a few times that her cheeks hurt because she was so happy, smiling...and excited. You just never know how much you're willing to change just to make your child smile like that!
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