I wake up the next day, and before I’m out of bed, BOOM it hits me just like that. Everything in my mind has changed. This isn’t just a good thing, it’s a great thing. It is a blessing. I want kids. So maybe it didn’t happen the way that I thought it would. It definitely didn’t happen the way I envisioned, but that doesn’t mean it’s anything but great. I say it again to myself It is a blessing!
My brother’s statement from last night plays again in my head, “If you think of it as a bad thing or a negative thing, then that’s what it will be. If you think of it as a positive or good thing…as a blessing, then that’s what it will be.”
That is the single best piece of advice I’ve ever been given. My perspective just needed to be changed. In my profession as a motivational speaker and life coach, this is one of the main things I talk to clients and audiences about…it’s only a matter of perspective. Yes, sometimes even the expert needs a little reiteration.
I didn’t go to my brother’s house last night looking for great advice. I went there needing a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen, and arms for comfort. Yet, what I got was support, love, understanding, and the best words of wisdom that literally changed my life.
If I would have chosen to stay in the frame of mind that I was in, I would have remained in the “Woe is me” stage. This isn’t how I thought my life would be. I didn’t plan to have kids like this. I never thought I would be a single mom. A single mom? Me? NEVER! How did this happen? I can’t believe this is happening to me. I’ve been so careful in finding the one. I’ve been so picky about who he is. Just to end up like this. This isn’t what I want for my life. I see my career, that I’ve worked so hard for, go right down the gutter.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve already said that (about my career) to myself and the few people that know. Yes, I would have eventually pulled myself out of this phase, but I would have wasted so much time and energy in it.
I’ve been so focused on my life changing in ways that I didn’t plan, want, or expect. As opposed to focusing on how my life will change for the better by becoming more joyful, satisfying, and fulfilled. How just holding the baby will bring a smile to my bad mood or how I will be coming home to someone as opposed to a couch. Someone will love, miss, and can’t wait to see me. And the love I think I know now from family and friends will be nothing compared to what I will experience once the baby is here.
It took my brother telling me his advice, for me to realize it all comes from within me…and I’m chooseing to view it as only the best thing possible. Does the unknown scare me? Yes. Does being clueless make me uneasy? Yes. Do I have a ton to learn? Yes.
I know I’m not given more than I can handle. Am I ready to handle a baby? No, but I have no doubt that I will get there…one step at a time, one day at a time, one moment at a time. I will be given the tools and skills to do my best in each situation.
For me, today starts a new day. A new day of thinking. A new day of re-thinking, planning, and organzing. A new day to get used to the idea of not only being pregnant but of being a mom.
OH-MY-GOSH!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!! I’m going to be a mom! I can’t believe it. It may take me a while to wrap my brain around that one.
When I finally get out of bed, I don’t think about Jason, what he is thinking, or what his plans are. Today I am concentrating on my thoughts. My focus is me today. What do I want? How can I adjust to this news? I know it will probably take some time. When will it sink it? When will it really feel like I’m going to be a mom? Right now, they are just words. Yes, I know I’m pregnant, but what does that mean? What does it mean to my life? How do I need to alter what I do, eat, and drink? What is the first thing I need to do?
I have all these questions and no solid, concrete answers. I have a feeling it may be like that for while, at least until I get through the adjustment phase…who knows when that will be.
Oh my land! I completely forgot, we have a family dinner on Sunday. We had originally planned it so my family could meet Jason. I called my mom last week and told her that I had ended it with Jason. SInce that was the reason for doing the dinner, I wasn’t sure if the family would still want to get togher for it. They did. So here I am a week later, with unexpected news. I may wait to share it with them.
Just as I’m thinking this, my brother texts me asking, “When are you planning on telling the family,” as though he is reading my mind at that exact moment.
“I’m not sure.”
He says, “Well, Anne and I will be there on Sunday. So if you want to do it then, we will be there for support.”
Aw, that is so nice of them, but that’s only three days away. Since I’m not sure that I will be in the right mental state to tell them that quickly I reply, “Thank you, I’ll think about it.”
As my mind starts reeling about my family, I lay down in bed again. What will they say? How will I tell them? What should I say? I know they will ask about Jason, and I don’t have any answers about that. Gosh, maybe I’ll just wait. I’m a grown adult, what are they going to say? What can they say? I don’t want to see the disappointment on my dad’s face. I can only imagine what he will say, “Do you know how much kids cost?”
Maybe I’ll just wait… Wait for what? I’m going to have to tell them sooner or later. Right now, later looks better. When should I do it? There is never going to be a good time. Maybe I’ll just tell them on Sunday…just to get it done and over with. I hate that thought.
Wondering how I will tell my family, if I decide to, and what they will say, I wear myself out and fall back asleep.
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