When my daughter was born four and a half years ago, I had no plan for how long I would breastfeed her, I just knew that I would start off breastfeeding and then go with the flow. It so happens that in our case going with the flow meant that one month shy of her fourth birthday she was still nursing (albeit only once a day), and as I would soon discover, we weren't the only ones on this path.
I wrote my thoughts about this shortly before her fourth birthday in a post titled On Nursing a Preschooler.
I didn’t set out to nurse a preschooler, but somehow along the way, my sweet little baby grew from an infant to a toddler and eventually blossomed into a preschooler in what now seems like the blink of an eye. I am confident this won’t go on forever and when I look back on this time when she’s 10 or 20 or 30, and I look at the young woman she’s become, I am hopeful that I will feel good about the choices I made and have no regrets.
When I wrote that post I was feeling rather isolated and wondered if there were others who'd chosen (either deliberately or unintentionally) to take the long-term (a preferred alternative term to "extended") breastfeeding route. I soon got my answer. I received 62 comments on that post. Amazingly none of them were negative and several came from women saying that they too nursed an older child and many thanked me for talking about it openly.
Lisa from The Joy of Six said, "I’m so glad you posted this. I’ve nursed mine until they stopped which has been anywhere from 14 mo to 4. Thanks for letting all those ‘closet nursing' mommies know they aren’t alone."
Melissa at Through My Window said: "The whole time I was nursing both of my girls past the age of 4 I always wished that I could talk about it and that more moms were willing to admit that they were nursing for a long time too. My girls only nursed at nap-time and bedtime as they became older which meant only 1-2 times/day. Of course, they are weaned now, but I have no regrets and I would absolutely nurse future children as long."
Liesl from Come, Mommy, who was tandem nursing both her 4 1/2 year old and baby at the time, said:
Got a 4.5 year-old-nursling over here! Sometimes it is a lot to nurse two, but on the other hand, it’s one of the few times Liam will settle down for a bit. Then after he nurses, he’ll sit around and chat, and that’s when I often find out the things on his mind. And I think it’s eased his transition to brotherhood as well. Nursing a 4 year old is a very different thing than nursing a baby, and it is most definitely not for everyone, but overall I’m glad I stayed with it.
Nina (no blog listed) said:
I think it is important for those who think breast feeding a preschooler is *bad* that in many, many parts of the world this is quite normal. Only with the invasion of TVs and computers (whereby the views of more advanced countries are shown) have many moms stopped breastfeeding after about 1 year….they seem to think that the entire world is like that….
My mother was a midwife before she married my father and she very, very strongly rec. breast feeding until the child was ready to wean on his/her own….and this was back in the 50’s!
Heather at A Mama's Blog shared with me a story from her former employer:
My old boss told me an interesting story a few years ago. He was in his 60’s at the time, and grew up in the country. He said when he went to school at lunch time the “little” boys about ages 6 and 7 would go home to nurse. There wasn’t a lot of food at that time, and the mothers also used it as a form of birth control.
I thought that was pretty interesting that just in the 1940’s, nursing a 6 and 7 year old was perfectly acceptable. Too bad we have come so far in the other direction in the last 60 years.
I also took an informal poll (if you will) on Twitter to see if others are nursing or have nursed children ages 3 and up. I was rather surprised by the number of replies I received.
- YogaLaura who blogs at Reflections on Yoga nursed her two children until they were 4 and 4 1/2 years old.
- CecilyC who owns CCSEO said, "My son nursed till he was 3 and a half. Seems perfectly natural to me!!"
- RamaMamma who writes at Possum and Bee said, "I breastfed my son until he was almost 4. Our last photo of him having a feed was in Jan '08, two months before his birthday."
- EverydayYogini who blogs at Everyday Yogini nursed her daughter Clara until she was a little over 3.
- RockCandyTV founder of RockCandy.tv said she breastfed both of her kids until they were almost 4.
- GlamGranola who blogs at Crunchy with Style! nursed her son until he was 3+ and is nursing her daughter who is over 2 and showing no signs of weaning.
- CarrieLee from Natural Moms Talk Radio said her 3-year-old daughter is still nursing and her 5 1/2 year old nursed for the last time just a couple of months ago. Her other two children weaned at age 4 1/2. She wrote about her experiences of nursing through a pregnancy and tandem nursing.
- Another blogger, who chose to remain anonymous, said she nursed two of her children until they were about age 5.
- AshleeAllen, blogger of This Mama's Nest, is in the process of weaning her 3-year-old son.
- Anaed, who blogs at Walking Barefoot on the Earth, breastfed her daughter until her 4th birthday and says that while it wasn't always easy, the thing she enjoyed about nursing her until she was 4 was that she still had that "connection."
- Spooky Girl from Spookiez Spot is still nursing her 3-year-old son.
- ErinEly owner of Ely Organics nursed both of her children, a daughter and a son, in the early 1990s for 4.2 years.
- ZRecsMom of the zrecs network is practicing child-led weaning and said her 4 1/2 year old daughter is "slooooowly weaning. Down to one right before bed and it lasts about four seconds total. Sometimes, not at all."
- Sillysgood breastfed her daughter until just after her third birthday.
- Meant2beaMom who blogs at Perfectly Natural Photography said her oldest two kids were 3 when they weaned and her youngest weaned just a few months shy of his fourth birthday.
Tomorrow evening, Jan. 2, barring any late-breaking big news stories, ABC's 20/20 is set to air an episode featuring segments on long-term (extended) breastfeeding, as well as home birth (both with and without midwives), serial surrogates (women that have numerous babies for other women), “fake babies” (life-like dolls), and orgasmic birth. I believe the title for the show is "Extreme Mothering." You can see a preview of the breastfeeding segment, which included an interview with the mother of a 6-year-old boy who still nurses, as well as an interview with the boy, on ABC News.
Although I put together a decent little list of mothers and children who are long-term breast-feeders (and that's without searching on the 'net for other bloggers or celebrities - yes, there are some), there will, undoubtedly, still be those who think it is weird, gross, damaging, or just plain wrong. If you find yourself in that camp, you might want to consider the following.
- The American Academy of Pediatrics says, "Pediatricians and parents should be aware that exclusive breastfeeding is sufficient to support optimal growth and development for approximately the first 6 months of life‡ and provides continuing protection against diarrhea and respiratory tract infection. Breastfeeding should be continued for at least the first year of life and beyond for as long as mutually desired by mother and child." AAP goes on to say, "There is no upper limit to the duration of breastfeeding and no evidence of psychologic or developmental harm from breastfeeding into the third year of life or longer." (AAP 2005)
- The World Health Organization recommends "infants should be exclusively breastfed(1) for the first six months of life to achieve optimal growth, development and health(2). Thereafter, to meet their evolving nutritional requirements, infants should receive nutritionally adequate and safe complementary foods while breastfeeding continues for up to two years of age or beyond."
- The American Academy of Family Physicians recommends that breastfeeding continue throughout the first year of life and that "Breastfeeding beyond the first year offers considerable benefits to both mother and child, and should continue as long as mutually desired." They also note that "If the child is younger than two years of age, the child is at increased risk of illness if weaned." (AAFP 2001)
- Former US Surgeon General Antonio Novello, MD has stated that it is a lucky baby who continues to nurse until age two.
- When to Stop Breastfeeding Your Child: A Case for Extended Nursing includes the many benefits of extended nursing
- Additionally, there are more position statements from various organizations linked up on KellyMom
But wait, there's more. According to Summer Minor in her post Is 4 too old to be breastfed?,"Biologically, 4 years is still in the normal range for humans."
The book Breastfeeding: Biocultural Perspectives contains a wonderful section called "A Time to Wean: The Hominid Blueprint for a Natural Age of Weaning in Modern Human Populations." by Katherine A. Dettwyler, Ph.D. Dr. Dettwyler is an award winning anthropologist, professor, and breastfed her daughter until she was 4 years old. In the section Dettwyler compares various primates, including humans, to find what the biological norm would be for humans. She found that the natural age for modern humans based on our size, development, and life span is between 2.5 years and 7 years. A child still nursing at 4 years old is normal, natural, and OK.
If you find yourself long-term nursing your child, there's a good chance that at some point you will run into criticism from others. La Leche League International has some good advice for handling criticism from family, friends or even complete strangers.
If you're facing criticism, remember that they may simply be uninformed about the benefits of extended breastfeeding or perhaps they feel guilt about their own parenting choices. Consider responding to unwelcome comments by:
- Ignoring: walking away or changing the subject.
- Informing: sharing books, articles, or a medical professional's thoughts on extended nursing.
- Using Humor: making a joke about the situation or yourself, not the other person.
- Acknowledging: recognizing the person's viewpoint and asking further questions without agreeing or disagreeing
- Empathizing: being empathetic to demonstrate that you understand the other person's feeling and meaning (Vakiener 1999).
Dr. William Sears has some advice about handling the criticism as well. Here are some things he suggests you keep in mind:
- Science is on your side.
- World opinion is on your side.
- It's better for your health.
- It's better for your toddler's behavior.
- Blame it on your doctor.
- Let your child silence the critics.
For more information about each of these suggestions, visit Ask Dr. Sears: Extended Breastfeeding -- Handling the Criticism.
There's additional information about Handling Criticism about Breastfeeding at KellyMom.
Speaking of KellyMom, which is a wonderful resource for all things breastfeeding, if you are the mother of a long-term nurser and are looking for support, check out their forums. There's a forum for nursing children ages 3 and up. There are also forums for the toddler years - ages 12-24 months and ages 24-36 months.
While I decided to focus primarily on older children in this post, many women on Twitter chimed in that they are nursing their kids to age two as well, including: Reiza at Stepping Off the Spaceship, Summer at Wired for Noise, Mom Most Traveled, Annie at PhD in Parenting, and Sara (who was breast-fed herself until age 4 1/2) at Custom-Made Milk, among others.
While I'm sure some of my relatives thought my daughter would nurse "forever," I can assure you she did not. Her last nursing was on Oct. 3, 2008, at age 4 years, 3 months and 11 days. It was mostly child-led, although I did nudge her a bit at the end. I felt that she was ready, but needed a little extra push (and I knew I was ready). It was bittersweet, but I think it went quite smoothly. I hope to write about the experience one day soon before I forget it. It is yet to be seen what my son will decide to do. As for now, he's still going strong nursing at 25 months.
It is my hope that as a result of segments like the one on 20/20 and the fact that more women are feeling comfortable speaking out about long-term nursing (as evidenced by all of the comments and Tweets I received), that others will not feel like they need to be "closet nursers" nor feel pressured by family, friends or society in general to wean before they feel it is right for them and their child. Let's trust our judgment to do what's right for our child and trust the judgment of other moms to do what's right for their child too.
Contributing editor Amy Gates blogs about green living, attachment parenting, activism and photography at Crunchy Domestic Goddess.
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