The first time I breastfed, I did not have a pleasant experience. Sore nipples, hours on the breast, dry nipples, I hated it all. In fact, it was an emotional drain. Every time I had to go out and it came down to feeding time, I would feel like a cow giving milk. I also got stressed that no matter what, I couldn't take a break from being the feeder. Pumping never worked for me, whether I tried the electric pump or manual pump. I also felt that I did not have enough milk and Jeffrey would be on my breast at times for almost one hour, then feed 1 hour later.
I envied those mothers who told me that they had no problems breastfeeding. In fact, I would hear stories of how milk would at times squirt out of their breasts. That amazed me since only little droplets trickled out of mine. I remember one time when I pumped for 45 minutes and only got 1 ounce of milk. I was so frustrasted that I called my husband at work crying telling him that I cannot feed the baby because I don't have enough milk. I was very upset and was carrying the breast milk into the kitchen when all of a sudden I dropped the milk on the floor. I guess my hands weren't steardy from stress. All that work for nothing! That was not a favorite moment.
I am happy to say that this time around is different. Tyler latched on immediately and at most, he'll feed for 30 min. but usually is done after 20 min. My breasts are swollen and they feel sore from the engorgement. This of course makes me at least feel that I got it right this time. I know that it wasn't my fault but I always felt somehow incompetent with Jeffrey that I couldn't get a natural thing like breastfeeding right.
I still sometimes get fed up with the constant feeding but I think that it's due more to being tired than anything else. Also, the lack of flexibility that it gives me. I get stressed breastfeeding in public so I work around Tyler's feeding schedule whenever I need to get things done outside the house. Do I enjoy breastfeeding? No not really but I know that it's a benefit to Tyler so I'll keep it up as long as I can. I lasted 5 months the first time and hopefully can match it again the second time.
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