Bitches and The Beasts

3 years ago

 So, I'm new here, if you haven't noticed. I always thought blogging was for people who don't have anyone to vent to, I guess I'm that person now. Like who reads these things anyway? Maybe you're just trying to find something to relate to or maybe your just bored as f**k. Either way, welcome. Let me tell you a little bit about myself so I don't just completley jump ahead. Anyway I am a teenage, mutant ninja turtle... bad joke? Alright redo, I am seventeen in the year of 2014. I am very introverted, not shy- introverted. Yes, there is  differenceBeing introverted is like running a marathon is to unathletic people as socializing is to me. Very exhausting. You almost die after every conversation. Okay I may have exaggerated a tad bit, but hey? Does stretching the truth a little bit even matter? Don't answer that, it was a rhetorical question. 

Anyway, I am also easily-embarrassed, goofy, idiotic, a bit crazy, extremely sarcastic, and very much a smartash (I'm trying to keep this G-rated okay?). That's pretty much all you need to know for this little story of mine. So I want to get homeschooled alright? It seems to provide a much better selection of classes, I am very focused when working with technology, I would love the extra help, and I don't have to drag myself out of bed in the morning, two hours before school even starts just to get ready so people can stare at me without puking. Sounds promising, right? So my dad thinks this is a GREAT opportunity for my future, he's ready to punce on it before I even say go, but of course I need both of my parents consent so I asked my mom what she thinks. As I stand there awkwardly waiting for her response she finally says,"Well, I just don't want it to get worse". And of course I'm confused and reply,"What? My room?" (My room is a complete mess, so I thought she was referring to that). 

"No about the whole 'socializing' issue." She says.

Excuse me? 

Socializing issue?

And then I got it. She thinks of me exactly how the rest of her family does- as a sad, pathetic, shy, distant,  girl who is in desperate need of therapy. I was in disbelief. I couldn't understand how my mother, the women who I had been living with, socializing with- laughing with, had  been thinking of me like that. I scoffed and shook my head at her while retreating back into my cave (room). I mean I knew she thought I was selfish, and horrible, and awful before this, but now I need help from some "wise-man" who thinks talking about my problems will actually solve anything? I need help with socializing  now? (I don't actually think bad about therapists or people who go to them, but they just don't help me personally).

As a quick little tip, I am very independent, meaning I work best alone, and I turn to myself  to solve my problems, not a person whom I'm paying to listen and ocasionally nod there head like they understand. God, why doesn't my mom just add every negative trait to my list of personalities? At least we'd be able to skip the time before they actually appear. I never thought of my mom having personality issues, I only judged single actions. Just because she f'd up one time doesn't mean I'm going to put that as a label for her. I thought she also did the same with me. But I was wrong. 

She doubts I'm even her child sometimes.

I heard her say it. These goddang walls are so thin, I can hear my neighbors cellphone conversation a floor up.

But how can you think your child is not your child? Wasn't it stained in your memory when you pushed a human being out of your quarter-sized hole (I don't actually know what their size is but I doubt it's litterally quarter-sized).

Anyway that's it for today (I'm supposed to be cleaning my room, oops?)

I know stories are supposed to end with happy endings and such but I'm all out of those, and this little story of mine is far from over...

Thanks for your time,

♥Stay Sunny♥

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