Last night, the husband and I packed up and got ready to go to Mass. It was pretty uneventful, or so we thought. Evie was an angel throughout the process, she even allowed me to dress her up in a gorgeous lavender flowered dress, pretty white sandals, and a lavender bow in her hair. She looked like a little angel if I do say so myself!
Everyone else seemed to agree, many of the church-goers came over to say how beautiful she looked, how cute, etc. It was very sweet! Anyway, so Evie girl did very well throughout the Mass, despite her terrified new parents hiding in the crying baby room the entire time. She only spit up on me once. It was then that I excused myself to clean up a bit in the bathroom. Yikes. A mirror.
I had been avoiding those suckers like the plague these days. And there it was. My reflection. Um, gross. So all this time I thought I was doing a great job getting us out the door, I literally forgot one key step. TO MAKE MYSELF LOOK LIKE A HUMAN BEING!
I think that's how you know you are in church. People are too polite there to allow themselves the wince they'd like to make at my appearance. And let's really give you readers the full experience. I have curly hair that when untamed, is a nice ridiculous lion's mane of frizz. My five-week post baby bump transformed into an akward muffin top shoved into yoga pants that I had been telling myself could pass for dress capris to the untrained eye (who am I kidding?). I had that look going plus the not-at-all-subtle smell of spit up wafting from me. Lovely. I mean look out Gisele & Bar...there is a new supermodel in town! Ha.
And that's the truth of it. I have a beautiful baby, but I'm a scary looking mom. I need to start remembering to run a comb through my hair and to put on some makeup!
Leaving church was a tad more exciting. The husband was lovingly carrying Evie girl out to the car and I had was our diaper bag. We were crossing through the church parking lot when a woman came up to us, a pretty disheveled looking lady (not that I am one to talk, but really...she was in the same scary boat as me, actually a bit more worse for the wear if I'm being honest and clearly without the excuse of a newborn) and asked us if we had any money.
Um, what? Isn't that what the inside of church is for? To hit you up for money? I kid, I kid. But anyway, back to the crazy lady...she definitely seemed out of sorts, I'm not trying to be unkind, it's just the truth. Even the most un-observant person on the planet, the husband, noticed that. He started to walk away. She says...
"Do you have a dollar? I'm low on gas." - Crazy Lady
Me and Brian at the same time- "Um I don't think so." (This is true, we almost never carry cash.)
Stupid Me- "Actually I think I might." I reach for the wallet in my diaper bag, which coincidentally has about 900 pockets so it took me a few awkward pauses to find it. Pauses that the crazy lady filled with...
"Actually do you have five."
"No, I don't think so." -Me. Sheesh, that's a bit gutsy, don't you think??
"OK, well two would be better," Crazy Lady said.
"Let me see what I have," -Now Annoyed Me said. It turns out I did have a $5 right on top of my wallet, but since she was so rude I had quickly decided I only wanted to give her a $1 bill. However, there was no way to get to that dollar bill without showing her I actually had about $25 in cash...a rarity for me, but my mother-in-law had given us that money earlier in the day. So I sighed and gave her a five dollar bill.
"Thanks," Crazy Lady abruptly said. She jumped in car and flew out of the parking lot.
At this point I was shaking. It was devastatingly obvious that this woman was not low on gas. Everyone knows you don't gun the accelerator when you are very low on gas and trying to conserve it! Second, once she had our money, she no longer seemed flustered, she seemed giddy, almost high, and she hightailed it away from us. Third, if she was leaving church with us, why wouldn't she go into the church and call someone for a ride to a gas station so she could come back and fill up her tank completely? Um and another thing, I just gave you money...stop, take a moment, and tell me how cute my newborn is and how grateful you are for the kindness of strangers. Hello! That is how I really knew...what a phony. Finally, and I mean honestly, in the sad state of things today, what is $1 going to do for your gas tank? The pump will laugh at her if she inserts a dollar and expects fuel. That's still true for a five dollar bill.
I can't believe I was duped in the backyard of God's house. What is wrong with the world? I guess I won't ever know for certain if I was, but both my gut and the husband's gut thinks I was. Sad. I hope I didn't just help someone's drug habit. I really really hope we're wrong about her.
Even sadder was how scared I was the entire time. I'm not normally like that at all. I have no stranger danger feelings inside me, almost to a fault. (Husband almost killed me once when I pulled over to pick up a hitchhiker. It was fine.) But now as a new mommy, my maternal instincts kicked into full gear. I knew I was in a weird situation with Evie by my side. I didn't like it.
I did like that my Mom guard went up immediately. Weird me out, fine. Weird me out in front of my baby, and my sword is up!
We should pray for that woman. Pray that she finds her way back to a healthy, happy life. Next time, I'm going to sense that situation faster and get out of it.
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