Sometimes my smart-assery knows no bounds. In this particular case, I am now paying for it with a bad case of indigestion and a microwave that is permanently scarred with the odor of fake bacon - which it seems to be wantonly infusing in to everything else that gets put in there. I think it's punishing me.
It started yesterday afternoon on a trip to the grocery store with the boys who are still on Spring Break and my mom who is here visiting. Walking down the snack-food aisle, we passed the popcorn section and there, in amongst the varying levels of butter flavored popcorn, kettle corn, cheddar corn, and shockingly, plain old nothing added popcorn, was this:
Zach noticed it and made some comment about how gross it probably was. We continued past it, and as he and my mother continued to be boggled at the fact that someone would actually be crazy enough to make this let alone buy it, I briefly mentioned that I thought it was possible it might be good. Well, this lead to a great deal of mocking the very thought by both of them. I stopped before we got to the end of the aisle, turned around, walked straight back and picked up a box. They were incredulous. "Mom, you are NOT really going to eat that... " Clearly my son has not yet figured out that there's not much that amuses me more than messing with him. Not quite as good as my ability to cause him to spew liquids out his nose, but it's definitely a close second. "Yes I am and I'll bet you it's really good". They think I've lost my mind. We get to the check-out, and as the cashier takes the box out of the cart she literally stops. The girl who was bagging (yes, there are still some grocery stores out there where cashiers will unload your cart and baggers exist!) also literally stopped dead. Zach is mortified. SUCCESS! I can't stop smiling inside, I'm just that immature sometimes. The cashier says, "bacon pop... that's, um.... interesting... " and I can see Zach and my mom rolling their eyes. So I come back with "yeah, could be ok, you never know, I mean, everyone thought cheeseburger-flavored Doritos were going to be gross and they were actually really good". Suddenly their collective skepticism turned to knowing smiles, both of them. "Ohhhhh, yeah, those WERE really good!" and then we fell in to a reminiscence of the subtle, layered, awesomness of flavor that Cheesburger Doritos were, and how no one wanted to admit that they had tried them, let alone liked them. My work was done. Well, sort-of.
After we got home, Zach continued to insist that I wasn't really going to eat it. I told him I absolutely was and not only that, but when I did and it was as good as I knew it would be, I wouldn't be sharing any with him (wait, which one of us is 13 again??). Never one to admit I might be wrong, much, also not wanting to let on that I'd only really started this whole thing to shock him, I convinced myself that it was probably going to be really tasty. After everyone was asleep, I eagerly took the box from the cupboard and took out a package to pop up and eat. It smelled pretty good when I unwrapped the cellophane. I put it in the microwave and started popping. At first it did smell really good and I thought yes! I was right! Toward the end of the popping though, it started smelling a little odd... it wasn't burned, just... odd. Not really a good odd either. I'd come this far though, I wasn't about to let a bag of popcorn defeat me, so, I ate it. Honestly, I couldn't figure it out. There was a fine line between "wow, this is kinda gross" and "um, maybe it's not too bad" but I was determined to give it a chance. Ultimately, the verdict was "ew". No offense to Justin and Dave, the gentlemen behind J&D's bacon-flavored products, but this one was probably not their best idea. Honestly, I think the Baconnaise and the Bacon Salts are probably great. The fact that I gain about 10 lbs just walking by the Baconnaise in the store sadly prohibits me from ever buying it, but I do think I would, if my body could afford it. The popcorn however, has continued to haunt me, literally, through to this morning. The indigestion is terrible and I am not one prone to that normally. I feel like I ate a bottle of Bacos and that's what my microwave and my kitchen smell like. Still.
Did I learn my lesson? Well, I'm 44 years old and I'm still doing stuff like this. So I doubt it. Was the fun in the grocery store worth it? Yes. Yes it was. Will I tell Zach the truth about whether or not I liked it? Yes, but I will still win because my story of how this all played out will make him laugh as always, and that really is what this was all about in the first place. ;)
More from parenting