Are You There Funny Parents? It's Me, Mommy.

In the 1940s, if a man got a venereal disease, it was common for him to blame it on having used a public toilet. My grandfather, in reply to this explanation, would quip, "All I can say is, that's a hell of a place to take a date."

My two and a half year old daughter is well-acquainted with my pleas not to touch anything while Mommy urinates. I keep up a steady monologue in public bathrooms to distract her, lest her hands stray to the icky walls or toilet seat. "Mommy has a superpower, did you know that? I do. I am the fastest urinater in all of New York City! Watch! Listen!" My daughter looks at me patiently and says,"Mommy stop worrying. I already know about not touching the toilet in public bathrooms."

Do other parents wonder if their conversations are being listened to by other parents in adjacent stalls? Is it because I am an actor or a lonely parent or both that I hope so? Are you there, funny parents? It's me, Margaret.

Continue reading A Hell of A Place to Take a Date

"Why should graves make people feel in vain? Somehow I can't find anything hopeless in having lived." -Zelda Fitzgerald

Hungry Little Animal

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