Lately, I've been in a fog. A self-imposed, gloomy state.
I had let worry, concern and impatience over this adoption take control.
This morning I had a reality check.
I say that I know God is in control. I say that I trust Him to care for my child while I can't. I say that I know that he or she is not fatherless, that the most amazing Father they could possibly have is caring for them. I say that I know His timing is what is best, and that He is in control of all things.
It's fantastic to say all those things- No, no- I'm wrong. It's CRAP to say all those things and not back it up.
I truly do believe that God is in control. I think I was just a bit angry. Angry that God is allowing my child to go through the abuse or neglect that they will have to endure before coming to me. Angry that God is not bringing our child to us sooner, and getting them out of that mess, now.
I should know better. The Word says :
Wait for the Lord; Be strong, and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord. Psalms 27:14
I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. John 14:8
God knows the plans He has for my new son or daughter. He knows the timetable for their life. He has plans to prosper him/her, not to harm. Plans to give a hope and a future.
Who am I to be angry with God? I should be overcome with gratitude that He is even allowing me to be a part of their life!
Forgive me, Father, for my self-righteous and bitter heart. Create in me a pure heart, O God. Help me to truly trust you, not just with my life, but with my child's life as well. May your will be done in our family. I believe Lord, but help my unbelief in your process. Amen.
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