Advice from a Surrogate to Intended Parents

I am a former gestational carrier. In 2006, I delivered a healthy baby boy to his parents. Unlike most other surrogates, I have also experienced a personal battle with infertility. Due to a diagnosis of Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS), I needed fertility treatments to achieve each of my pregnancies.

Which means that while I have the perspective of a gestational carrier, I also have been an expectant mother after infertility. Being an expectant mother after infertility is an emotional blend of excitement and worry. Being an expectant mother via surrogacy adds in a unique layer of feelings and concerns.


Though using surrogacy as a pathway to parenthood is on a rise, there still aren’t many readily-available resources to help guide expectant intended mothers through their joint pregnancy experience. Many surrogates and intended mothers have asked me for guidance throughout their surrogacy journeys.

This printable crib sheet answers some of the questions that I am most frequently asked by expectant intended mothers:

  • How communication with your surrogate might change during pregnancy.
  • Making heads or tails of your concerns and worries.
  • Keeping lines of communication open without being overbearing.
  • Developing a joint birth plan with your surrogate.
  • Baby feeding options available to you as an intended mother.
  • Adapting to new motherhood!
Download the whole crib sheet for expectant intended mothers via surrogacy.

Kymberli Barney (aka JW Moxie) is the writer behind The Smartness, where she writes with razor-sharp honesty and humor about life with her husband and four children. Kymberli is the Staff Scheduling and Teen Writer Coordinator at and is the Public Relations Representative of Her writing has been featured on and she was included on’s lists of top mom and infertility bloggers. Kymberli was named as a 2012 BlogHer Voice of the Year.

This post is part of the Absolute Beginners editorial series made possible by Pampers and BlogHer. Our advertisers do not produce or approve editorial content.

This is an article written by a member of the SheKnows Community. The SheKnows editorial team has not edited, vetted or endorsed the content of this post. Want to join our amazing community and share your own story? Sign up here.

More from parenting

by Jennifer Mattern | 2 days ago
by FairyGodBoss | 2 days ago
by Claire Gillespie | 3 days ago
by Jennifer Mattern | 3 days ago
by Jennifer Mattern | 4 days ago
by SheKnows Parenting Editors | 4 days ago
by Kelcey Kintner | 4 days ago
by Claire Gillespie | 5 days ago
by Jennifer Mattern | 5 days ago