Deciding to Remain a Family of Three

5 years ago

I grew up the youngest of three. I have two older brothers. MCB is an only child. Growing up, I thought I wanted two kids. I never considered having just one. MCB thought she wouldn't have any kids, but quickly changed her mind when we met.

When Roozle was nine-months-old, I read a post by our friends who wrote about choosing to have just one kid. Until then, we hadn't considered just having one. It's always about children, not child. The nurses and doctors were already talking about next time moments after Roozle was born and I was nursing her for the first time. Another one was always in the plan until then. We started talking. What if we just had one? What if this was it? How did we both feel about it? What would that mean? What would it look like?


One sounded okay. Then we started to make a list. And one sounded better. And better.

Getting pregnant wasn't easy. It was expensive. It took longer than we wanted. It was hard on us. What if we didn't have to go through that again?

There was a shift. Instead of thinking about having two it turned into, why would we have two? We didn't know if we would even be able to conceive again, anyway. I know a big reason people want more than one kid is to provide siblings for their child. MCB is an only child and is just fine. We have friends with solo kids that are awesome and very much fine. I grew up with brothers, but while having siblings in some ways is great, it also can be really hard. We definitely didn't think Roozle was missing out on anything by not having any.

The biggest reason for us is just that we don't want to do it all over again. Roozle is awesome. We're happy. Another kid would of course be awesome too, but is a lot of work, a lot of money, would need more space, would take up more room in the bike trailer, oh and in the car. There would be less money for schools and bikes and eating at the Dogwood. There would be less time for hanging on the couch drinking coffee.

All of which can be sacrificed in a second if you want another. But we really just don't.

I listened to a podcast about only children this week. One of the points that stuck with me is this: If a couple (or a single person) wants more kids, you can't really do anything to convince them not to. And if a couple (or single person) decides to just have one kid. Or two. You can't do much to convince them to have more.

We're all set. A family of three. With a dog. And too many cats.

The Case for an Only Child: This podcast is awesome. I took four pages of notes and then used none of them for this post because I can never remember who is talking in podcasts and how to credit the ideas to them properly. You can listen to the whole podcast here.

Left Behind By Choice: Here is the blog post that got us thinking the first time. You can read the whole post here.



Writer at

Two moms. One Roozle. Life rules. 

Pictured Above: Photo by Kelly Lorenz at Riley's second parent adoption.

Thanks to Jeanee for asking this question as a part of the writing challenge this week: What do you want to challenge me to write about?

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