Adoption Tuesday - Attachment.2

5 years ago

Anne Kimball

Bringing Borya Home

Last week I began a series on attachment that I thought I would continue every Tuesday. At least for awhile.
Sometimes I will feature an article, sometimes provide a tip, and at times I will just share my experiences and thoughts.
Today?
Just a quick tip.
In last week's post, I made the analogy of the parent being like a tree, with the roots being the underlying love the parent has for the child, and the leaves representing the parent's emotions:
The leaves are emotions, and they change as the weather and the seasons change: sometimes happy, sometimes sad, or angry, or frustrated. Regardless of the leaves, though, the tree remains stable, and firmly rooted to the ground. Children with RAD have difficulty with this concept, and will mistake the parent's current emotion for his underlying feelings towards him. In other words, if the parent is angry, the child feels that the parent does not love him.
Because of this, I feel it is important to let your RADish know that even while you are feeling angry towards him or her, there is still love.
What works for me and my son (with RAD) is that while I am angry with him, and talking with a raised voice or more intense tone, I will hold my hand up in the sign for "I love you". In this way, he is getting the message that I love him even though my face and voice and words are telling him I am angry. He has had a lot of difficulty knowing that both can occur simultaneously, and this is a very visual reminder for him.

 

 

 

Don't forget, I am now posting daily on my blog Life on the Funny Farm. Come on over!

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