Addendum to the Household Rules If We Had Household Rules

3 years ago

Ridiculous in light of more important rules we need around here, but hey, a girl can dream. Funny thing is, we don't actually even HAVE any official household rules. It's on my list to thoughtfully draft some one day soon. I probably would have done it by now if the rules were going to be meaningful to me, like THESE:

1. Don't mess up, touch, or breathe wrong on my bed after I've made it. (It makes me feel like the whole house is cleaner!)

2. Immediately after I open the package for your new toy, take all small accessories/miscellaneous parts and throw them in the trash can.

3. Don't bring ANY flyers, Memos, order forms, PTA fundraiser details, or art with glitter on it home from school in your backpack.

4. No blood, no Disney Princess Band-aid.

Credit: andreweick.

5. No needing desperate help with anything while my hands are a mess preparing raw chicken.

6. No walking within 4 feet of the TV or windows or baseboards or bookshelves after I've vacuumed upstairs because I like to see the carpet lines for at least a day or two.

7. Don't speak above a whisper until I've had at least 3/4 of my cup of coffee.

8. No crying for what you need/want unless you want me to get the crib out and make you sleep in it.

9. Don't leave the caps off the markers. I repeat: Don't leave the caps off the markers. No, seriously—don't leave the caps off the markers!

10. No wearing clothes that must be gently washed in a small load with other like items and then hang dried or ironed more than once a month no matter how cute/awesome it is, or because it's your favorite.

11. If the doorbell rings, don't squeal with excitement and charge down the stairs screaming "Who's at the door??" until I have decided whether or not we're pretending to be out or not. Rather, turn off all the lights and be quiet until I give the all clear.

12. If you freeze your sister's heart with your ice powers, don't neglect to quickly thaw her with an act of true love.

13. Don't call me "Mother." You're six-years-old!

14. No complaining in the bathtub that your sister splashed you and got you wet. You're in the bathtub!

15. Dollar Store toys, party favors and Happy Meal toys are not made to last forever. I can bag 'em up and toss 'em when I become annoyed by the sheer number of 'em!

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