5 Reasons Why Being Sexually Abused as a Child can Change You as a Parent

3 years ago
 
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There is nothing in this world I hate more, than talking about my sexual abuse as a child. It is one of those things that if people have not experienced, they seem vaguely touched by. I see the expression on their faces, usually one of commiseration, yet not understanding. I don't blame them, actually; I am happy for them. No one needs to go through that type of trauma. There is a great loss in childhood, for that matter adulthood, in being abused sexually as a small child.

As a very young girl, ages 3-6, I was sexually abused by my neighbour. There is an utter shame in it. One that cannot be explained by a person of that age, barely by a person of my age. Without getting into any of the gruesome details. I will explain this; it is something I put away in a part of my brain for many years. Something that I put away so far, that I didn't even know it had happened to me. A definite defense mechanism, I still use  today, begrudgingly. A fight or flight type of response. 

It wasn't until many years later; 19 to be exact, that my abuser came to me to confess his indiscretions and that I may not be the only one he had done this to. It clearly brought up a whole hell of a lot of confusions. As a young girl in my mid 20's now, I knew very distinctly that he was telling me the truth, but I had not let that part of life in for so many years.  I felt very scared, alone and traumatized as if it had just happened to me that day. With the same response I had learned so many years earlier, I put this pain to bed, carefully, never wanting to awake it again. It didn't work this time.

 You see I met this man, my soon to be husband, and one day we were walking downtown and we passed a flyer posted on one of the small businesses. It was my abuser; I was appalled! He was looking for young children to join his baseball team. I couldn't just stand by; I couldn't let this happen to anyone else. I pressed charges! My fiance stood behind me 100%, as we went through the process. Retelling a story I had never told, not really. The heartache was deafening. A foggy white mist seemed to follow me wherever I went. I couldn't see through it. It took my first pregnancy, for me to see any good in this. Unfortunately this man is still free today, but at the very least, I know I tried my best to serve justice. 

Becoming a parent has been the happiest time of my life. My first pregnancy came on the heels, of me finding out I was sexually abused as a child. As all of you Moms-to-be know, it is a fascinating time in your life. We spend much of the pregnancy looking into parenting techniques, tips and ideas. I spent a lot of my pregnancy doing the same, with just one small adjustment. I thought about how never to let what happened to me, happen to them. I obsessed over it at times.

5 Key Points
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The Fear of becoming a Bad Parent
Not only did I fear being a bad parent, I feared that I would be extremely over protective. Now that my children are 14 and 12, I have realized that I have done a great job raising them, so far. I am sure they will have their own criticism once they are adults. But at the very least I have grown to be the best Mom I can be. 
 
 
The Fear that my Children would be abused. 
I certainly had anxiety, especially with my daughter. I realize that most parents are protective, as we should be. I fought with myself about whether I was being too protective, because of my abuse.
 
 
Shame and Guilt 
My shame and guilt, had all to do with my parenting. Would I be good at this? Am I doing the best for my children. I over compensated many times, and was not as strict on my kids, because of this shame. 
 
 
With all of that being said. I have had the support of family and friends throughout my journey. Being a parent is one of the most rewarding things, I have ever experienced. It can also be tough at times, without any of these factors. Knowledge is the key to success in any endeavour. If you do your best and know what you are dealing with, you will succeed. 

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