Is 2.9 Million Worth the World -- and Your Child -- Knowing You Would Have Rather Aborted?

Dear Mother in Portland,

How do you tell your family and friends that you would have “aborted” your daughter? How do you sleep at night… knowing that they have all heard those words? Because you can’t say: “I want money because I would have aborted you,” and “But, I love you” in the same sentence. I’ve heard you try to say it, but you can’t. I hope this lawsuit is worth it.

I understand you have 2 boys. They are going to grow up remembering this trial… or at least having access to the transcripts. Yes, I understand that no one is perfect. Yes, I’ve read the statistics on how many mothers abort children with Down Syndrome. BUT even the most liberal part of me, the part that most wants to give you the benefit of the doubt… doesn’t quite understand how you can look at a baby after they are born and still say… “I would have aborted you.” I understand the idea of I’m so glad I didn’t abort you… but not the anger that would unleash a lawsuit because your abortion did not happen.

Again… this is not about abortion. I’m talking about telling the world that you have a 4-year-old daughter. And you are so upset that you couldn’t abort her that you have filed a lawsuit.

You can call it whatever you like. You can say that money is going for her care. You can describe the challenges you face. You can spin life into whatever you like. I’m not buying it. Yeah, I have to hold my son down to brush his teeth also. So What. He is a miracle. He is beautiful. I would never. never. never in a million years “wish I had aborted him.” I could even give some sympathy to a mother in the initial stages of mourning who experiences those feelings. But, for the mother of a 4-year-old? I have none.

Birthday Star

I instead have questions for you. What if one of your other children was autistic? What if someone in your family had an accident? (I don’t really want to make a list of all the things that can happen during this wild ride of life.) But … I guess what I’m trying to say is -- accidents happen. Even if this genetic screening was done improperly -- accidents happen. I just cannot grasp that your legacy will be this. The message you send to your other children… I would have aborted my “imperfect” child. Not, I love my “child with imperfections” no matter what. You may not realize it, but this is the legacy you have now left.

The money for your daughter’s care will be nice, I’m sure. But was it worth it? Will it really be worth it in the end?

Again… I want to be totally clear on this post. I am heartsick that a parent would have this lawsuit when the child was four-years-old. There is bonding that should happen between birth and year four. I am not faulting people who have abortions. I am not arguing against people who realize there is a genetic abnormality and choose abortion. (It is not my personal choice, but … again -- that isn’t what this post is about.) I can also give empathy to those mothers who have a child and have thoughts that run through their head during the grieving process…. And for each mother this process is different.

Age 4. Age 4 -- and this mother will go on public record as, “I would have aborted my child.” This makes me sad in so many ways.

I’m sure there are those out there who feel passionately on this issue -- both in support and against my point of view. I do allow and encourage other points of view in the comments… but we must remember to be respectful of each other.

Another great neutral post on this can be found HERE.


Kristen @

Photo Credit: existentist.

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