Tracy D. Holloman, MA, ACC, CPC, ELI-MP
I was watching Joel Osteen Sunday morning and he made some very profound points about negative behaviors and the affect that they can have on your heart, the well-spring of your life. Joel pointed out that when we allow others negative words to offend us, we allow them to take away your God given power. In other words, the gifts talents and abilities that you were born with that shine through ever so brightly can easily fade if we let those negative words impact who we are.
25% of People Will Not Like You and Never Will
I am reminded of my niece who has been bullied every year since the 6th grade; she is now in the 10th grade and is a beautiful and loving person; she is a joy to us all but I could see that the bullying was getting to her by her posts on social media. Last year I really thought that I would lose her because the bullying became so great that she made the statement, “now I know why people end their lives”. She had let the 25% of the people who don’t like her and never will rob her of her self-confidence, self-esteem and self-worth. The negative words that the kids in school used to describe her and make fun of her coupled with the use of social media (Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, texting etc.) only compounded the issues. The school could do nothing to end the torture that she endured, but she chose to change her mindset. She turned on the switch of greater and turned off the switch of inferior. She fought back, not with words but with action, she changed her “attitude.”
25% of People Will Not Like You but can be Persuaded to
Within this school year, my niece has learned that while there are so many haters out there and people that follow them that she had the ability to persuade them by just being herself and not trying to make them like her. These kids respect her because of the way that she carries herself, shoulders back and head held high, ready to take whatever comes her way. She realized that the way that she carries herself plays a huge role in how people see her and treat her, so she has gained a few more supporters, a few more friends, people who respect her. She focuses everyday on her self- esteem and recognizes what makes her greater than the haters.
25% of People Will Like You but can be Persuaded Not to
You can gain all of the favor from others that you want but there will always be people who can be persuaded not to like you. So should you spend your time trying to win them over or should you go your own way and let them go theirs? Absolutely!
You go where people like and accept you; they are the 25% that you focus on building wonderful relationships. As young girls and women, we have a propensity to want people to like us and we let it define who we are, that’s why we sometimes fall in with the wrong crowd to gain acceptance. But when that acceptance requires that you do things that you know are wrong, it can suck you in like a vacuum and sometimes you can’t get out of it. You may be fearful because you know that those who can persuade others not to like you may succeed, however, it may cost you something; your self-esteem, confidence and self-worth. Always remember though that the 25% who may turn their back on you are the people that you don’t want to have influence over your life. They are the ones who plant the seeds of negativity and doubt; you are greater than that! Don’t be afraid to turn off the ‘haters switch’ and turn on the ‘greater switch’. Anyone who would use negative words or actions to belittle, demean and demoralize you, obviously see something in you that they don’t have, so they need to downplay your strengths to make themselves appear greater. They let their jealousy run an ugly course at your expense. The only way to beat them is to ignore them. Hold your head up high, shoulders back and embrace the person that you are. Figure out who you are and you will always be able to walk with confidence. What are your gifts, talents and abilities that others seek out in you? You’ll know what they are as others who truly want to be your friend coming pressing forth.
25% of People will Like You and Will Always be there by Your Side
When true friends come pressing forth in your life and stand up for you in the times when no one else will, you know that you may have a true friend for life.
During the school year, my niece has found a true friend that sticks with her even when others say negative things about her. This young lady will tell my niece’s haters all the wonderful things that she has learned about my niece as a friend. She chooses to shut off the ‘haters switvh’and use positive words to convey her commitment to their friendship. More importantly, she has taught my niece how to ignore the haters and shine like the beautiful person that she is. Her friend is the 25% of people who like my niece and is always at her side, but more importantly, my niece is the 25% that will always be there for her friend and together they are 50% friends, 25 % joy, 25% internal and external beauty, which equates to 100% greater than the haters!