Do you ever feel like life is a race and you are left wondering where the finish line is? Are you worried that life will overtake you? Do you feel that your life as a parent is one big race against time with our quest to ensure our children are doing x in order to achieve Y and not be left behind. Whether it’s speed-walking, speed-dating, speed-dialling and heaven forbid speed drive-thru funerals in the US - there is a need for us all to simply SLOW down and perhaps not cram so much into our days.
Carl Honoré’s latest book on Slow Parenting raises some really key questions for us all as parents and has been written as a response to the helicopter parenting we have been seeing where parents are micromanaging their children’s lives to such an extent that parenting is now seen by some as product development or akin to a professional pastime. Students are not coping at University – unable to stand on their own - and Merrill Lynch offers Parent Days to cater to the professional pack of parents ready to try and negotiate their offspring’s salary package.
As a society we are going badly wrong – robbing children of their childhood as evidenced by increasing cases of mental health issues, eating disorders, binge drinking, substance abuse and prolific teenage sexual activity.
So what can you do as a parent to find your tempo and ensure your children have a balanced journey of discovery?
- Less is more – spend less, do less, stimulate less
- Don’t buy elaborate toys for kids that do all their thinking for them and direct how they should play; rather buy them generic blocks and let them build whatever they want. There is no evidence that so-called educational toys have any impact on learning whatsoever
- Breakfast in bed for kids, and grown-ups; or other spontaneous events
- Schedule in unstructured time – yes it probably needs to be scheduled!
- Have family meal times together. Harvard research indicates this is better for language development than reading stories
- Create family rituals around birthdays and family events
- Have regular calendar nights on a Sunday evening
- Get up 10 minutes earlier
- Limit the use of screen time and be disciplined about use. It is insidious and creeps into every corner of our lives. Never allow screens in children’s bedrooms
- Stop and look at leaves, or sunsets, or clouds….
So if you are worried life will overtake you – you’re wrong. Life is where you are now and when we slow down we find life has a natural groove that is richer more pleasurable and more fulfilling – we may do fewer things but what we do, we do well.
When the Lee Hsien Loong, Prime Minister of Singapore – home of tiger mom culture – spoke on the National Day of Singapore about the Singaporean style of parenting, and launched an attack on tiger mothers in a speech last year , you know it’s time to change . He berated parents for “coaching their three- or four-year-old children to give them that extra edge over the five-year-old competition”. And he added: “Please let your children have their childhood…Instead of growing up balanced and happy, he grows up narrow and neurotic. No homework is not a bad thing. It’s good for young children to play, and to learn through play.”
So when was the last time you stopped and allowed your child to have those moments looking at the ice crystals and the snow patterns or the rain drops?
When was the last time you took a really deep slow breath and felt the natural air ticking over of your respiratory system – breathing in and out long deep breaths to their comfortable conclusion, until you are flooded with calm.
We all know it’s time to slow down.
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