I’m a day early, but I have some updates that I want to log journal-style so I don’t forget them.
This weekend, Steven and I did some major cleaning - not that you
can tell now, of course. And, in the process I also had him accompany
me to the major mess I made upstairs. My mom took me out to get a few
Maternity items a few weeks ago, but I’m REALLY needing my other loot.
I still have no idea what I even have in terms of winter things, though
because … turns out, when I reorganized the attic, the maternity box
went missing. It is VERY possible that those clothes are stuffed in
with some baby stuff or…maybe something else…but, this is going to
require dragging out 30 boxes and really heavy totes and emptying them,
neatly stuffing them back, and then re-arranging them in the attic. Did
I mention that I have almost no room to pull these boxes out? Fun
times. And, in the end…it could just be missing. You know, a thief or
something. For one box. Of maternity clothes.
Right now, I have one pair of jeans, a pair of black pants, 2
maternity shirts which will require a bigger tummy for me to wear, and
some larger normal PJ pants and tshirts. Oh, and a few spring/summer
tops. That I can’t wear. So, basically…if you see me out…I’ll be
wearing either jeans and a LS green shirt or jeans and the exact same
shirt in purple with a print on it. And, they’ll probably be dirty.
I’m not feeling the energy to go upstairs and squeeze into an attic
to argue with my husband about how the clothes MUST be in there and now
we MUST look through each box. On the flipside, asking him to do it
solo as a favor would look much like this:
(Shines flashlight around quickly) “Nope, don’t see ‘em. We done here?”
I also have this fantabulous rash on my stomach, which I know has to
be hormones or something else random because it moves, almost daily.
Like a heat rash, except maybe not since I am not hot. Just itchy. And,
its one of those rashes YOU can see but everyone else has to double
squint to even pick up, and even then they are probably lying because
they don’t want to look at your belly anymore? I remember getting these
with L though, so I’m not surprised. Just more itching.
My nausea is still here, and with it are coming these insane
emotions. Like, this morning I convinced myself again that the baby is
dead. I convinced myself that since I’m not feeling any flutters or
movement and I just have this awkward nausea that makes me sick when I
want to eat, just enough to not want to eat. I keep thinking I should
FEEL something, and be more obsessed with food. But, really…food
(especially ground beef, chocolate, chicken, etc) makes me want to gag.
I can do an occasional awesome Prime Rib sandwich from Garden Gate, or
maybe some other meats that are made into exquisite sandwiches but
ground beef in my chili makes me want to vomit. So does lunchmeat and
chunks of chicken. It’s like I’m becoming an accidental vegetarian or
So, by noon I was so convinced that I needed to see my doctor - just
to HEAR a heartbeat or to see a flutter, I was calling and trying to
change my appointment. Luckily, they were busy and couldn’t grab the
phone, and then left a message just to say call back after lunch
because they were going on lunch. Which, gave me the perfect
opportunity to look through my journal from when I was pregnant with L.
I’m about 3 weeks different on the dates than when I was pregnant with
L, and most things are pretty much the same.
EXCEPT… When I was 15 weeks pregnant with L, I was much sicker
feeling. I was still taking Zofran (which I’ve mostly already weaned
myself off of) occasionally. I wasn’t up to all day excursions because
I tired out too quickly. And, guess what…no flutters or random kicks
until 18 months with L.
And, if I think really hard about it…Last night, the baby might have
kicked…well, head butted me as it’s still small. Whatever it was, it
felt like a fury of movement into an organ inside me. Mostly, because L
sat on him/her, I think. Note to self: baby doesn’t like being sat on.
I am having some major emotional ups and downs. Partly situational,
I think and partly hormonal pregnant girl stuff. Mostly, I can tell the
difference between the two when it’s happening. For example, hormonal
pregnant girl wants to kick the puppy out because he’s disturbing her
sleep and she has to clean more. She also wants to kick the cats out
because they’re causing trouble and being really naughty lately. And,
possibly even the kid because she’s throwing tantrums now, which makes
me the worst mom in the world. Hormonal pregnant girl also wants a
doppler so she can later go beserk when she can’t find a heartbeat with
the confusing little devices, and then run to the doctor for a quickie
ultrasound. Hormonal pregnant girl feels like throwing herself on the
floor and throwing her own tantrum because she has lots of clothes in
her closet that she can’t wear and she can’t find the box of mostly
cheap maternity clothes she probably wouldn’t want to wear anyhow
(Lesson: Don’t buy cheap maternity clothes. They feel awful, make you
itch worse, and fall apart, and look funny/fit funny. ) - most of the
“better” maternity clothes are spring/summer that I had ( I think).
Except for my favorite jogging suit…which I won’t jog in. At all.
But, no animals or children will be kicked out, and if I throw a
tantrum, I’ll try to wait until I’m alone. And, I’ll be trying to stay
away from the phone to call my doctor because there is no legitimate
reason for me to think anything is anything other than okay. Besides,
in an hour, I’ll probably feel better about most of it for a
while…until I go crazy again shortly after.
Other news, I have no idea how much I weigh and have found myself
procrastinating EVERYTHING…from novel writing to getting out of bed in
the morning (because I have a 20 page to do list I know I won’t finish)
to writing my novel to blogging on First Impressions (which I’m
thinking of closing down). OY.
More from parenting