It's so easy to get caught up in everyday life, moments pass us by all the time. We barely notice anymore, sad really. With a whole bunch of life changes happening recently in my life, (and of course me being 40 years old), it has caused me to reflect pretty deeply.
It's not without tears that I share this with you. It is an uncomfortable heart wrenching feeling.You know the one, it happens at a funeral, after you lost the love of your life, or while you are waiting to hear bad news. It's so painful, that you are choosing to ignore it, rather than hear it. You would rather pretend that it isn't true than actually feel it. Then it all settles in, you can't ignore it, it's real. Sometimes you wake up and there is a minute that you have forgotten, but then there is this overwhelming reality, and the tears some how find there way back to your eyes, and it's real again. This will happen, over and over again in your life. It may be just losing touch with a friend, or a misunderstood conversation. It may be more, the loss of a loved one or your very first heartbreak. It's inevitable. People, all people, deal with these pains differently. Some are cold and stand off-ish, some are open and extremely helpful, and some are just terribly confused. No way is wrong, misunderstood, but not wrong! These moments are hard. They make us who we are. Yet how we deal with them, is not a reflection of who we are. Trauma is just that, trauma. Our brains deal with it how they have to. It is that simple, it is survival.
5 weeks ago, we had trauma in our community! Our friend and comrade fell, the shock waves felt through out a community. We set up a facebook page www.facebook.com/supportchuckie. And good people set up a Fundraiser! Todd and Ali Wilkinson made amazing things happen. A community came together, beautifully. All for one and one for all! It is a beautiful story of strength! Yet, I am still left with that heart wrenching moment, every morning! Those early morning moments, that I am still clearing the sleep out of my eyes and forget that you aren't with us yet Chuck! I will walk my way to the shower, consumed with thoughts of you and your family. My eye's sometime's filled with tears ( which I like to blame on allergies), and it's not because you were my best friend, but a friend, and I am consumed with the reality you have given me. Life, it is so unpredictable. It can change so quickly.
With Chuck and his family in my heart, I have thought of a few things I would like to tell all my loved ones. Especially if my life changes in an instant.
1) Not everything I have ever said, was exactly what I meant.
This has all to do with the privileged of being a human being, we are allowed to change are minds. Let me tell you, I change my mind all the time, and as a woman, I change it regularly. So what I am trying to say is, there have been heat of the moment arguments, or even heat of the moment agreements I don't agree with today. You are allowed to change your mind. In the end just know I loved you regardless.
2) You have changed my life
Whether it be for good or bad, remind the people you care about how they have changed your life. Don't go back to people that mean nothing to you now, that is not my point here. What I mean is let the people in your life now, know what they have done for you. You have grown regardless of whether it was a bad moment or a good moment. Don't you think they should know they helped you grow.
3) I am sorry
Tell them you are sorry. Tell them, that you are sorry for hurting them, for misjudging or misunderstanding them. Not only will it make you understand the affect you may have had on them, but it will let you feel a little freedom. Sorry is a very powerful word, and when it is used correctly it can change so many relationships. Be aware of why you are sorry, and make sure you mean it!
4) I love you
Seems pretty obvious, right? Well it isn't. We tell our children, our partner's, and our family that we love them all the time. Do we tell the rest of the people we really love? Not always. This is something that resonates with me, on a huge level. I have been told, I over use the words. I disagree. These words can change a person's day. It is so important and I am sad that I didn't tell Chuck I loved him the last time I saw him. Just an FYI, I love yah Buddy!
5) You hurt me!
This is so hard to do, for me anyway. These words are so freeing, and honestly worth it. If someone has hurt you, instead of holding contempt in your heart towards them, tell them. You can change a relationship this way. Maybe this person did not know they hurt you? Maybe they did not mean to. We spend too much time pretending we don't care when we do. Be honest, tell them.
6) I admire you
Why not explain to your loved one that you truly admire them. You think they are awesome! You love how they play ball, raise there family, etc.... These 3 words are not a bad thing, it's ok to admire someone, without being like them. Without admiration, people would not have roll models or strive to be better.
7) You have made me laugh
My favorite thing! People that make me laugh. Maybe they have seen you laugh because of them, maybe they have not. Either way, don't you think they should know that they may have gotten you through something with a laugh. Sometime's that is all we need.
8) I think about you all the time
Not just meant for the love of your life or best friend. I often find myself thinking about other loved one's very often, I fear that I don't tell them enough. I need to find the time to tell them, I am thinking of them. Moments are precious, and moments are easy to wash away. Instead, just send a text or a quick phone call.
9) Thank you
These are 2 of my very favorite words, in the whole wide world! So simple and so easy to say. These words, sometimes said without thought, mean them! I mean them. I thank each and everyone of you for the moments I have had with you. They do and always will mean sooo much to me!
10) You are Amazing
All of you are amazing! True story, all of you have touched my life in some way. I choose on my own to bring it to a positive! Whether or not I have been hurt by, or loved by any of you the truth still remains, I have been affected by you!
In all that you have, remember that there are a million emotions that you have forgotten to say. That is ok, but remember to love, not hate! Accept, not judge. We are all fighting some sort of battle. There is always a reason.
Chuck, we are patiently awaiting your return to your family, to us! You mean the world to so many people. As do all of you mean the world to someone, if not myself. Stay strong my friend, you have a work horse of a wife sitting beside you, as well as an amazing community! - See more at: http://blogirl.info/1/post/2014/05/10-things-you-need-to-say-to-your-lo…
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