I’m not a worrisome mom. At least not about the small things. The biggest thing that keeps me up at night is worrying my kids won’t have anyone to eat lunch with at school.
My kids are 1 and 2 and I’m just a little bit crazy.
Due to my lack of concern, I’ve stopped offering my opinion on parenting things because most moms find me a bit too cut and dry for their taste. But no more! Here are ten no-nonsense, hyper-honest pieces of unwanted advice:
1. Your child will sleep through the night when they feel like it. There is nothing you can do to make it magically happen. You can try swaddling, unswaddling, loading them up on rice cereal, a bedtime routine, a dance routine, etc. You know what will actually work? Time and patience.
2. Babies will survive ten seconds without you so you can go pee. Or even seven minutes so you can take a quick shower. If they’re fed and clean and in a safe place, they’ll be fine. Go to the bathroom alone while you still can.
3. You don’t need a fancy changing table. A blanket works just fine as does a towel, shirt, or if you’re feeling lucky, nothing at all. Put ‘em down on the floor and break a new speed record out of fear that any second they will poop all over your carpet.
4. Eating dirt won’t kill them. Nor will dryer lint, stickers, or parts of your shoe. Levi, and a piece of my favorite orange flats, can attest to that one.
5. Sometimes you can’t fix your kid’s problem. They’re clean, fed, well-rested… and freaking out. Why? Who knows. Kids are crazy. Sometimes you just gotta let them work it out on their own and go do something else… with ear plugs.
6. They will walk and talk in their own time. Don’t stress out over developmental milestones. Lily walked at 17 months. Levi walked at 13 months. Big deal. Once they’re in kindegarten, everyone will be walking, talking, and constantly needing someone to tie their shoe.
7. Kids fall. A lot. They’re clumsy, uncoordinated mini-people who think they can walk when they can’t, run when they can’t, and don’t have to look where they’re going. They are wrong and will learn this lesson the hard way. Let them stumble and figure it out.
8. Not all kids eat at 4 months. Or 6 months. It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with your kid. It means they’re just not into it. They will tell you when it’s time. Levi informed us he was ready for solids when he channeled his inner praying mantis and successfully lunged for a piece of Luke’s pizza at seven months.
9. Watching T.V. won’t turn them into monsters. Are you exhausted? Hungry? Need a break? Put on some Sesame Street, put away the mommy guilt, and sit down for five minutes. This mom stuff is hard.
10. If you’re worried that you’re not a good parent, it most likely means you are a good parent. Only good parents worry that they’re falling short. Stop doubting yourself.
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