If I had to make a list of the things that I'm most intolerant of, I'd put fear mongering up there near the top. I'm not a fan of advertisements, public service announcements, campaigns, TV shows, articles or blog posts that use fear to push their agenda. Which is why when I read the Lifescript post Top 10 Mistakes Even Smart Moms Make, I was more than a little upset. Don't get me wrong, there are some things on this list I definitely agree with, but when it starts out with number one saying it's a mistake to share a bed with your baby, you can bet that I'm going to take the whole list with a grain of salt.
Here are what Lifescript calls the "10 Biggest Mistakes Parents Make:"
1. Sharing a bed with baby.
2. Putting your child to bed with milk or juice.
3. Buying second-hand toys or baby furniture.
4. Showing your child "smart baby" DVDs.
5. Putting kids in the basket of a shopping cart.
6. Sharing utensils with your child.
7. Delaying or avoiding vaccines.
8. Leaving your child alone in the car "just for a minute."
9. Skipping helmets on tricycle rides.
10. Leaving your child alone in the bath or shower.
These are the "10 biggest mistakes parents make?" The biggest? Really?
If I had to grade myself as a parent based on this list I think I would get a big, fat "F" as I've done 9 out of 10 of these things at least once and about half of them on a regular basis. How about you? How would you rate?
It feels as though the author of this article assumes that none of us have any common sense whatsoever, yet it's directed at "smart" moms. It's also a slap in the face to any mother who's made educated and thoughtful decisions about things like co-sleeping and vaccinations.
I co-slept with both of my children as babies. It is a practice that is as old as time and can be beneficial to both mother and baby if it is done safely. Annie at PhDinParenting has put together a great list of the dos and don'ts of co-sleeping safety. I don't believe a blanket statement telling people not to co-sleep is the answer. I think giving them guidelines to follow to make it a safe environment is much more productive which I wrote about in this post about a surprising Fox News report regarding co-sleeping.
In the Lifescript article they say, "In 2008, when the U.S. experienced its largest measles outbreak in a decade, nearly half the 131 sickened kids were unvaccinated." Does that not translate into more than half of the sickened kids WERE vaccinated? That doesn't seem like the best argument in favor of vaccinations to me and I'm pretty sure that the "smart" moms will see through the data presented. I'm not saying vaccinations are good or bad, but I think parents should be allowed to make the choices that are best for their children.
After her oldest son began having terrible seizures, Steph of Adventures in Babywearing did a lot of research before she decided vaccinations were not right for her family. She feels, "This is an area that is not 'one size fits all.'"
On Raising My Boychick's Naked Pictures of Faceless People - a series of guest posts from diverse anonymous bloggers - one blogger shared about her decision not to vaccinate her children. She believes:
People need to step back, take a deep breath and do what is right for them without expecting everyone to come to the same conclusion. Alarmist propaganda is never ok and neither is demonizing an entire group of people for a personal decision. We trust parents to drive their children around in cars, to make other healthcare decisions, to guide their children’s dietary choices. This is no different.
Colleen wrote about why she chooses to delay vaccinations and said:
I know that doctors believe in supporting the AAP and the status quo. I know they believe that administering vaccines is in the best interest of our children and of all children. But I hope our doctor also understands that by educating myself about vaccines, by researching them and, yes, even by questioning the schedule and the ingredients in them that I am doing what is in the best interest of my child. No parent should be faulted for that.
Moving right along. I totally understand the "leaving your child alone" in either a car or the bath tub business. Those, rightfully, should be on the list. However, don't put your child in the basket of a shopping cart because they will tip it over? Um, what about that handy little strap-like thing in there called a seat belt? I'm pretty sure that if the child is seat-belted in, they will not tip the cart. I've been pushing kids around in shopping cart baskets for nearly 6 years and nobody has fallen out yet, although my son did drop a large container of yogurt out of the cart basket which exploded all over the floor. Turns out giving him the yogurt to hold was a big parenting mistake.
I could pick apart the rest of the list, but I'll leave that for you to do. I think the bottom line is take everything you read with a grain of salt, do your own research, trust your instincts, and make the choices that work best for your child and your family.
Photo used with permission from Adventures in Babywearing
More from parenting