Yes, I Was Burnt But I Call It A Lesson Learnt....The End of the "Being Cheated On" Drama

7 years ago

I'm sure I've written about my friends before, but I want to introduce you to another BFF. This is a boy BFF so let's just call him Ed (made-up name)

Last night, I decided to do something I've never done and pray/meditate for 30 minutes straight. I gave it my best shot, but I really just ran out of things to say :-( anyway, I did manage to pray for God to help me deal with the tough stuff I'd gone through during the week, 5 minutes later after I saId Amen, guess who called?


Remember this guy?  He dared to call me!!! He wanted to meet up this week so he could explain and in his words, "get things off his chest" I mean seriously guys, in what world do you think that you have the right to "get things off your chest" when you've done something horrible and offensive. The only words you should be saying are, "sorry" not "I want to get things off my chest" So, the only reason I even picked up the call was that I deleted his number so I didn't know it was him, but luckily, before I got a chance to answer him on whether or not we could meet, the call got disconnected, (I didn't hang up on him, I promise!!!!!)

I got a chance to RELAX and think about my response, he tried calling me again and I ignored the call and instead texted him, "I'm sorry for writing you, I was just angry at the time. You don't have to explain anything to me, this story should have ended a long time ago if it wasn't for you and your little group bringing it back up. Please don't call or text me again, if you do, you'll get no response."


See that, cold and aloof without being rude. I think that was at least a B+ on the Christian Responses to a Lying Con Artist Who Tried To Play Two Classmates test.


I thought that was the end of it, but my mind started working overtime as usual (ahh! mind!) I started thinking how come I always attract such losers into my life, I mean, come on!!! I honestly think, as much as I write about love, and daydream about weddings and happy marriages, it's going to be soooo hard to ever trust a guy again. These thoughts of spinsterhood and my horrendous dating track record started to overwhelm me and I texted my friend, Ed. "The guy has just called me, and he wants to meet"


Ed, is my best friend at school. Our friendship did start out a little bit complicated because he wanted us to date and I didn't. We fought for a while and had some tense days but, I'm happy and thankful to God that we're o.k now, and he's content being just friends. He's actually the one who filled me in on all those rumors and took me to lunch to calm me down.


Anyway, Ed, understood what the message meant, and got that I was feeling down, so this is what he texted me:


"I've tried to hold back a lot, but now I'll speak my mind. He has the nerve to want to face you? That's plain retarded. Hun, you got all a guy would ever dream or ever pray for. You're the complete package. It would be hard to think of any one who is more perfectly balanced and all-round in so many aspects. If a dude thinks that you need help from an 'earthly girl' then he sure as hell doesn't deserve you. You deserve a guy who lacks sleep cause he can't wait until morning to see you, who has the backbone to handle a strong and independent girl, a guy you can call your own. And that's not **** (the guy). Make sure you don't even cry over this guy. If at any one time you feel overwhelmed then leave me a message I'll call you and tell you so many stories you'll brighten up. Have a great day"

Let me explain the "earthly girl" part, when I confronted the guy for trying to use me to cheat on his girlfriend, he told me he couldn't decide because I was his "church girlfriend" and where wanted to see himself be, (did I mention the guy works at Church?) and the other girl was his earthly girlfriend. Scumbag!! [Oops, that just slipped out :-)]


But, how sweet are my friends, first, BFF one, let's call her Emz (made up name), wrote me this, and now Ed with this other killer text message.


Can you blame me for crying in Church today. O.k I know I cry a lot, but this is just touching. I know that right now friends are few and come far between, but if this is what you get when you wait, then I thank God for it.


So, really, I don't think it will be easy to ever trust someone again...and this isn't like, I'm still hurt and hung up over my ex's that I'm letting them control my life....o.k maybe it is, but still, I don't think I'll ever trust someone again, or want to be in a relationship again. I know I write here about how I'm still in preparation and I'm still figuring out "me" but this week a really, really, really cute guy said hi to me. I've had a crush on this guy for YEARS and he finally said hi to me. Let me set it up for you. I was walking down the street, eating a hot sausage because I was late for school and I had to eat breakfast on the run. So with me having a mouth full of  hot sausage, he decided that would be the perfect time to say hello after years of me crushing on him. And not just "hello" he struck up a conversation with this joke of how I'm walking for the first time, you know because my lazy self drives the car the 5 minute walk to the supermarket. I wish I could tell you what I said, but the memory has been suppressed because it was embarrassing and the pain in my tongue too excruciating. :-)


Anyway after the whole trying to respond to a joke with a burning tongue incident, I started thinking how the old me would already be planning how the next time we meet on the street I would come up with another joke and we could start talking and exchange numbers and plan a wedding 3 years later. But this me, doesn't ever want to see the guy again. Cute guys cheat. Hahaha, that's unfortunately my new mindset. I know it's wrong and I know I'll get grief for saying it, but I'd so much rather believe that and avoid the whole dating scene than date and, writing in a "Christian" blog is hard! lol) what's a word I can use.....get.....tossed around again and hurt.


And I was reminded of this;


 Luke 14:28-32  For which of you, intending to build a tower, doesn't sit down first, and count the cost, whether he has enough to finish it? Otherwise, after he has laid the foundation, and is not able to finish it, all that see it begin to mock him, saying, "This man began to build, and was not able to finish." Or what king, going to make war against another king, doesn't sit down first, and consult whether he'll be able with ten thousand men to wage war against him with twenty thousand? So that if he can't, he can send an ambassador to arrange a peaceful resolution, while the other is yet a great way off.

 Isn't my heart like a tower, I'm spending all this time building it up, why should I let someone come and tear me down, because he didn't sit down and count the cost, or most importantly because I didn't sit down and count the cost?

 That also led me to remember this other amazing song by SwitchfootDo You Love Me Enough To Let Me Go from the album Hello Hurricane which as usual you can buy on Amazon at $7.99 or Ksh. 640. I wish I could buy a bunch of them and give them out here or make them available for less than Ksh. 640 because everyone should have this album. Anyway, we'll pray on that....back to the song.....  

Enough To Let Me Go by Switchfoot

Oh, I'm a wandering soul
I'm still walking the line that leads me home alone
All I know I still got mountains to climb on my own

On my own

Do you love me enough to let me go?
Do you love me enough to let me go?
To let me follow through, let me fall for you, my love
Do you love me enough to let me go?

Back from the dead of winter
Back from the dead and all our leaves are dry
You're so beautiful tonight
Do you love me enough to let me go?
Back from the dead we went through
Back from the dead and both our tongues are tied
You look beautiful tonight

Do you love me enough to let me go?.....

But every seed dies before it grows

Do you love me enough to let me go?
Do you love me enough to let me go?
To let me follow through, let me fall for you, my love
Do you love me enough to let me go?

Breathe it in and let it go
Every breath you take is not yours to own

It's not your to hold
Do you love me enough to let me go?

Do you love me enough to let me go?
Do you love me enough to let me go?
To let me follow through, let me fall for you, my love
Do you love me enough to let me go?


Like I've said a bunch of times before, Jon Foreman is an amazing writer and his words mean different things to different people, this song to me, could mean two things. First of all to the single people, every seed has to die before it grows, so I'm not entirely wrong in wanting to be single for a while :-) and for the people who are dating, to make sure you aren't holding each other back from achieving the full potential of your purpose, for example, in this love story from another blogger, Erin, they were both committed to growing closer to God before anything else and every time their friendship started moving into relationship zone, the guy would say they should take a step back and make sure they aren't putting themselves or their own needs before God.

So to cut this short, here's what I've learnt and decided. My love lesson for the week, if you will, 

  • Firstly, not to judge guys generally. Just because some of the ones I've dated have messed up, doesn't mean they're ALL bad.
  • To still continue taking time off to rebuild. "All I know, I still got mountains to climb on my own" and a relationship with God should be my first priority.
  • To really take time in building friendships and not just jump into relationships like I've always done in the past.
  • To make sure that I (and the guy) have really sat down and counted the costs. This is like, when you've been friends for a while and you know a lot about each other and you still want to pursue things, you sit down and come up with a game plan/rules of play
  • While sitting down to count the costs, also take some time off to make sure your decisions aren't clouded by emotions or rather hormones! "Do you love me enough to let me go" and this is where Erin's blog and the song come into play.


The Enough To Let Me Go lyrics are the property of Switchfoot and their Label and are only provided here for educative purposes. I'm sure you'll love the song, please, please buy the Hello Hurricane CD through the links above and support the most amazing band on the planet!!!

Thanks for reading, you made my day!!!! I basically copy-pasted this from my blog, so head over for more stories. Blessings!






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