I was roughly 25 years old and found out my high school boyfriend and fiancé was cheating on me with a friend. I was lost and thought I would be alone forever. I was lucky enough to have an amazing sister that helped me through this hard time. After a few months and a quick rebound fling, she convinced me to join Match.com. I tend to be pretty introverted and work strange hour, so meeting people was difficult for me. The website allowed me to connect with guys I would likely have never even met.
Here is what it is like;
Step 1. Create your profile.
Be honest, but don’t say too much about yourself. What makes you tick? What do you love to do? Do you work out? What’s your favorite food? It’s important that you are honest with yourself. We all want to seem cool when people are looking at your profile, but it’s not going to impress anyone when that’s not the real you. Add a couple of photos and your good to go. Please keep the photos conservative and to a minimum. If you have great boobs, he can see them when he has earned it. No need to show off from the beginning because you are going to attract the wrong guys. Also make sure your photos are current. Don’t use a photo from when you had long hair if you just shaved your head, and if you have recently gained weight, take some new photos. You are beautiful the way you are, but whomever you meet is going to expect you to look like your pictures. Be careful the photos don’t give away anything about your life. One of my pictures had a partial logo from where I worked and a guy figured it out and showed up with flowers for me. It might seem sweet, but considering we had never even spoken online I was pretty sure he was a stalker.
Step 2. Start looking
I suggest you make a list of your non-negotiables before you start browsing the profiles. With all the seemingly handsome men you are going to browse through, it’s easy to get caught up in looks alone. For me, my non negotiables were pretty simply; I wanted a man that was never married, no kids, didn’t smoke, had a job, and was the same religion as me. Whether it’s online dating or meeting someone in a bar, the list of your non-negotiables will help keep you from wasting your time. We have all been in those relationships that start amazingly passionate, but at some point you realize you are too different from one another to make it work. Side note: Be prepared to start running into people whose profiles you have come across online, another reason not to disclose too much.
Step 3: If he seems creepy, block him please.
If a guy you come across asks for more pictures of you, don’t send them. If a guy asks you to meet within a few minutes of talking with you, he just wants sex. If a guy asks you to meet him in a back alley at night, run for the hills! One guy came across my profile and noticed that I had a quote from my favorite comedian and told me he wanted to fly me to Vegas that night to see his show. How did I respond? I blocked him.
Step 4: Meet the man
Make him come to you. As a female it is never a good idea to go somewhere you don’t know to meet someone you have never met. I suggest having the guy meet you when you are out for drinks with another couple. Double dates with a guy you don’t know can be a little awkward but you need to worry about safety first. If this is not possible, suggest a day date at Starbucks where there are plenty of people around. A guy should totally understand that you aren’t comfortable meeting him alone at night. If not, block him. Make sure his profile matches what he is telling you. Does his profile say he’s 5’11” and he’s only 5’6”? It may not seem like a big deal in the beginning, but I would urge you to walk away then. If he’s lying on his own profile, can you really expect him to be an honest person? Chances are he also has self esteem issues which need to be worked out prior to getting into a relationship. If he doesn’t like himself the way he is, why would you? I made this mistake the first time that I got into a relationship with someone from Match. His profile said that he lived in an upscale town, but when I went to his house for the first time it turns out he lived in a not so great city nearby. It really didn’t seem like an issue to me in the beginning, but I quickly learned that he spent much of his time trying to impress everyone around him. That included other women which didn’t work for me.
Step 5: Keep trying
You will meet guys you aren’t that into and guys that aren’t that into you. Whatever the case learn from it, and keep trying. Dating is hard because there is no one there to critique you are give you feed back. If a guy doesn’t call you, move on. You want a man that cherishes you for you, not one you beat into submission. If you are into a guy, don’t smother him. Dating can be really exciting, and everyone is hoping to find the one, but the easiest way to make a guy lose interest is to be too clingy. They are on match too and likely dating other women. You want to stand out in a good way, not because you won’t stop calling. Trust your gut.
Step 6: Define the relationship
Online dating relationships have a very important step that you don’t encounter in other relationships. Taking down the profile is a vital step in this type of relationship. This is a discussion that the two of you should have and agree to do together. Do not take your profile down until you have this talk. If his profile is still up, don’t get in too deep and don’t sleep with him! A guy will let you know when he is into you and at that point the profile discussion should be had. This is a great time to define the boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.
Step 7: Let yourself go
No one ever achieve greatness by giving 50%, so why would we expect relationships to be different? Starting a new relationship means letting go of pain from previous relationships and moving forward. Don’t push the distrust and hurt you have felt into the past on to the new guy. It’s not their fault and we have all been through it. Being guarded and distrusting is not going to set you up for success. Give 100% and if you get hurt, move on.
For anyone is wondering if there are good guys on Match.com and if it can really work, the answer is YES! Two months ago I married my best friend, a man who has a heart of gold that I never would have met anywhere else.
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