My dad and I have never been close. As far back as I can remember, we have always clashed and I have never really felt like we had a bond. It saddens me when I watch my friends get married and I see their dads holding their hands and doing the special father-daughter dances. I'm jealous. I only wish I had that with my own father.
Image: Katherine McAdoo via Flickr
I wonder what it would feel like... to want to tell him everything, to hug him, to feel like he wants to protect me like a father should, and to feel like he loves me. I know that he does, but he just doesn't show it. I can't really recall any time that he has ever shown it; we don't even speak any more. I'm just grateful that I have my mum. She has been there for me through everything and we definitely have that special bond. She always made sure my siblings and I got as much out of life as we could, even if it meant she was broke for a week so that we could go out as a family together or just put dinner on the table. She is everything I could have asked for as a mother growing up. You could even say she was 'dad' some times.
So why don't I let her walk me down the aisle? Or ask my one of my brothers?
Because I am an independent woman and I have made every decision in my life on my own. The only person who can 'give me away' is myself. Marrying James is my choice and I know I have full support from all the important people in my life. James and I have already made a life for ourselves. We have been living together for 3 years and have our beautiful children, so it's not like I am giving up some former version of myself to be his wife.
So on our wedding day, I am going to walk down the aisle with confidence and know that from that moment, James will be by my side and I will never have to walk alone again.
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