A wise man once told me- “The way to a man’s heart is through his ego. The way to a woman’s heart is through security.” This rang very true for me (after I put my independent female ego aside) and, if you think about it honestly, I bet it will for you as well. Since the earliest of times, women have been wired to choose the man who will stand in front of the cave and protect her and her offspring. When she recognizes that he’s the biggest bada@@ around, he gets to spread his seed.
Dominance and submission, in large part, stems from this. As a woman, the pleasure in submitting, fully surrendering, comes when there is the absolute trust that you will be cared for. My boyfriend and I go to the gym together and sometimes he will hit the punching bag. I’ll be minding my own business on the treadmill and when I see him start to jab, it literally takes all my willpower not to jump off that treadmill and launch myself at him. I can’t help it- it’s instinctual: I know that nothing is getting through that cave door. And that makes me want to throw my panties out the window. On the flip side, when we see our men acting shady, being passive/aggressive, trying to manipulate us, or being generally “weak,” it erodes trust and make us wonder if they are really going to stand in the cave doorway and take out that mountain lion that’s approaching. And this makes us less likely to want to procreate.
In a lovely complementary fashion, men are wired to be respected, to be seen as the leader, the strong one, the protector. Men feel their best and most fulfilled when they are firmly in control and that their status is not being challenged. Ever seen your man after he has a big sports win or great day at work? Dollars to doughnuts he would like nothing better than to throw you down on the bed and get to it. Why do men hate it when their women nag or challenge them? Because that’s questioning his leadership. And it will make him less inclined to protect you and you offspring.
Now, in modern times, it’s not an all-or-nothing type of arrangement. In any long-term relationship there will be shifts in the power dynamic- could be an intra-day thing or sometimes for months or years at at time. Every relationship is different and there are many couples who buck these rules. However, there’s something to be said for evolution. If you’re interested in learning more, visit Athol Kay’s blog (www.marriedmansexlife.com). Read wisely, you might just end up with a much longer to-do list than you’d planned.
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