Why being married the second time is better

4 years ago


I was watching Oprah for the first time in my life, and I realize I'm 20 years late, but I'm not a day time TV kinda girl. Anyway, there was a celebrity wife on this episode who mentioned that the second time she was married to her first husband was so much better than the first. She didn't elaborate, but I already knew what she meant.

Stat: According to Psychology Today 67% of second marriages end in divorce. They don't specify whether or not it's a different person from the first marriage, but I assume so. 

I've talked about mine and the Sailor's history. For new readers, we separated in late 2005 and got back together in early 2008. In between we dated other people, but still hung out when possible. More pertinent, we came as close as you can come to divorce without actually getting divorced. We're talking a signature away, before he said wait, and I said definitely..wait. And somehow in our obnoxious, foolish youth we figured out that we were meant to be...again. Because we lived such separate lives in between, other relationships and all, I consider this the second time around. And don't get me wrong, there are challenges; challenges because we're human and marriage is difficult, challenges because we had to get over everything that happened before and during our separation, challenges because we married young, and you change significantly from age 19-31. Significantly. But it's so much better.


So why is marrying the same man the second time around better?


1. You've seen the dark side. You don't know how low someone can go until you're in the midst of a divorce. Not everyone obviously, but this scenario makes a lot of people hit below the belt.  Seeing that side of someone is raw and hard to accept. It brings a new meaning to "unconditional love".


2. You develop a renewed respect for the other person's ability exist without you; respect you may have lost somewhere along the way.  Life didn't stop. They didn't fail. They may have even found a semi-worthy replacement for you. It's a reminder that, reminiscent of your early dating days, you know they can walk whenever they want, and vice versa, because you survived too.


3. You're older and wiser. I mean...that just helps in every aspect of life, doesn't it?


4.  No one in their right mind wants to divorce the same person twice. No one wants to tell the world that they made the same epic mistake twice. No one wants it to get that bad again. So when things head south you deal with it quickly.


5. You play less games. First, because you already know the other person's moves. Second, because you know they may work temporarily, but playing games always ends badly.


6. Because you're in love with each other. Genuinely, honestly in love. There's no other explanation for UHauling it a second time around, right?



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