Whoever Tells You NOT to Wear Your Heart on Your Sleeve After a Divorce - Can Kick A Wall.

4 years ago

Dear Carmen,

Recently, my marriage of 22 years suddenly came to a halt. My husband walked out of me and our children and I feel as though I cannot go on.

To add salt to this painful wound, I've been advised not to wear my heart on my sleeve so as not to burden others with my sadness and anger. Other divorcees tell me they've "been there, done that" and I should be looking forward to a better life?

I am at a loss. How am I expected to act like all is well? I don't want to burden anyone else, but I can't help it. I don't know what to do.

Can't Hide It Anymore

Dearest Can't Hide...

I'm so sorry for your loss. Be kind to yourself and take it slow... one breath at a time... one step at a time. If ever you feel like this is too much to bear, please find someone to confide in... whether a trusted family, friend... priest, counselor, or even a crisis hotline. Just remember, you ABSOLUTELY CAN get through this. It's going to be a crazy tough roller coaster ride until you've finally get your bearings back, but fight through it with all you have because there will be a time when you'll finally see the light at the end of this awful tunnel.

As for those who tell you not to wear your heart on your sleeve? What do they think you are... a robot void of all emotion? Your life just took a violent turn, for cryin out loud... and they expect you to just sit there and smile like everything is OK?

I'm sure your friends b*tch about bad hair days, failed dinner attempts, inconsiderate spouses, and kids who can't properly wipe their butts... but you can't do the same after your heart has just been ripped out of your chest? LAME.

People who give that kind of crappy advice have either:

  1. never experienced this kind of loss... or
  2. they've healed from the loss and expect you to "skip over" the mourning part of all this because they know there's life (most cases, an ever better life) after divorce.

Just dismiss the first group... they can suck an egg.

And I'd expect some compassion from the latter... but you know what? It's those people... the ones who went thru similar crap and survived... you should find strength in. Their attitude shows they've reached a place in their lives where looking back at the suffering is almost a waste of time. They just want to enjoy their great life... and want the same for you.

You CAN be "them" one day...

Just KNOW you CAN make it... fight through it because despite how you might be feeling about yourself right now, you are SOOOO worth fighting for! I didn't think I was strong enough to get through it when it happened to me 7 year ago... and as much as I wanted to give up, I couldn't because I NEEDED to be here for my son. You need to be their for your children... and especially for you.

But for now, cry when you need to. You are certainly NOT a burden for feeling all the emotions that are rushing through you. You DO NOT have to laugh & smile to make others feel better... because YOU are the one going through this very experience in your life.

Sending you love, and prayers for strength & peace in your heart & mind.

Carmen (@NinjaMomDiaries) - a MOMMY, teacher, business owner, graphic designer, #cloudporn addict, and foodie... blogs at The Secret Diary of a Ninja Mom.

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