When Should You Send a Text vs. a "Sext"?

3 years ago

Here's a newsflash for those of us who first dated in the last century: decoding texts or emails in this digital dating age can be brutal.

Make no mistake, because of online dating, you are intimately connected to your gadgets. You think it was bad way back in the day to wait at home for a call? Now you carry the damn instrument of your fate everywhere with you to maybe not get an email or text either. You have added opportunities to obsess over “did he/ didn’t he?” and “will he/ won’t he?” Sigh. An electronic maelstrom of self-doubt and dating angst. Good times.

However, it’s not all doom and gloom. To be a modern woman on-the-go (aka a dating machine) you have to reconcile making your intial contact via emailing. Then, after meeting and connecting with a real live guy, you may (or may NOT) want to dip your toe into the texting pool, as long as you keep these tips in mind.


Image: Emily Hildebrand via Flickr

Ideally, texting should be only with your nearest and dearest where misunderstandings are unlikely and if they do arise are easily corrected. None of this can be said of a new man in your life/ in your phone. Let your fingers do the walking carefully!

You will receive an ambiguous text, 140 characters or less, and it will obsess you and there’s not much I can do to help you with this except to say: “I feel your pain, sister.”  I recently spent an inordinate amount of time wondering why I got “xx” instead of “xo”, after being told  that x meant “hug”, even though I’d always thought it means “kiss” (I was correct). So then I wondered, why aren’t I getting xo instead of just a lousy xx? Think that’s confusing to read? Try being the idiot BEING confused…

BUT! I do have a sunshiny ray of light for you to bounce off the hard and unrelenting corners of technology. It’s called sexting and I’m telling you it is FUN with a capital F if you catch my drift…

This is for when you’ve had a few or more dates with a special someone and most probably seen his meat and two veg. It’s going well and you begin to text inappropriately with the appropriate guy…hubba hubba!

The thing about sexting is you can receive a hot message any time anywhere and it’s so clandestine and feels so awesomely Naughty Nancy…how much fun is THAT? What you can say in a few choice words or less can be pretty detailed and the immediacy of the message is what ramps up the temperature. He’s thinking it and writing it. You’re receiving it. Bam. I remember getting one particularly specific and graphic communication and almost falling over because it was so hot. Yeah.  Texting can be a bitch, but sexting can make up for it, tenfold.

I personally would advise only words, no pictures. If you do want to go there, remember that it can be saved, sent, and shared, all kinds of things you probably don’t want done with your naked bits. I’m just saying. As One Direction sings, “And if we get together, yeah, get together...Don't let the pictures leave your phone, ohhhh…” Ha!

Since getting an android this year, I'm more into reading my messages via Plenty of Fish mobile. I have texted men and been texted. I have sexted and been sexted and I have lived to tell the tale. You will too.

Dating is complicated. Humans are complicated. Technological tools won’t make anything easier or clearer and ultimately you , not your phone, are in charge of your own fate. Face-to-face interaction and connection is the purpose of all the online relationships that develop and everything else is just details. Keep that in mind, learn how to sext and you. are. golden.

Have you got a juicy sexting story you'd like to share or a particular technique that works for you? Spill it because who are we kidding? I'm still collecting tips. OC.

xo Lucy

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