What's wrong with women anyway?

10 years ago

Guys can't figure out women, or at least that's what I hear and read.

That's so funny, because we're actually pretty easy-to-understand creatures and we sure know what we're about and what we want— well, at least we know what we're supposed to be about and want. Because everywhere we turn, someone wants to tell us.

Welcome to the world of today's woman:
— Pilates, yoga, running, triathalons or the gym? You better be doing one, if not all.
— Improve something — your wardrobe, your career, your orgasms, your relationships, your blowjobs; your mind — because something's wrong with you
— Don't forget to be green, natural, organic, local, fair trade and sustainable
— Know: Ten Ways to Turn a Man On; Five Tricks That Will Drive Your Man Wild In Bed; Six Things You Should Never Wear in Public; Everything You Need For Soft, Shiny Lips; Eight Ways to Know If He's Cheating on You; 10 Ways to Firm Your Butt; Nine Erotic Tips To Rock His World; Seven Ways Men Say Women Should Communicate; Five Easy Ways to Read a Man's Body Language; Eight Signs That Your Relationship's in Trouble
— Be well-read: "Kiss and Run: The Single, Picky, and Indecisive Girl's Guide to Overcoming Fear of Commitment"; "With or Without a Man: Single Women Taking Control of Their Lives"; "Why You're Still Single: Things Your Friends Would Tell You if You Promised Not to Get Mad"; "How to Succeed with Men";" If I'm So Wonderful, Why Am I Still Single?: Ten Strategies That Will Change Your Love Life Forever"; "Actually, It Is Your Parents' Fault: Why Your Romantic Relationship Isn't Working, and How to Fix It"; "Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl: A Woman's Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship"
— Don't be a bitch (but don't men love bitches?)
— Remember, because 40 is the new 30, you can't actually look 40 so slather on antioxidant creams but Botox, liposuction, acid-peel, collagen, wax, color and implant just in case
— But real beauty comes from within
— Don't call him, but freak out when he doesn't call you
— Of course you can call him!
— But you'll look desperate
— If he doesn't call you, he doesn't deserve you; but maybe something really did happen to him ...
— Don't sleep with him right away, but don't wait too long or he'll lose interest
— Take charge of your sex life
— Get empowered — learn to strip, pole-dance and lap-dance because you "get" it
— Don't be a slut (or at least don't admit you've slept with more than 10 men)
— Unsure? Take a quiz: Are You a Good Flirt?; Are You a Player?; Are You Jealous?; Are You Good Girlfriend Material?; Are You a Together Forever Couple?; What is Your Love Behavior?; What Kind of Lover Are You?; Are You Uncomfortable With Intimacy?; What's Your Romance Style?; Are You a Hottie?; Are You Sabotaging Your Love Life?; How Normal is Your Orgasm?; Are You Too Smart to Date?; Are You a Love Addict?
— Don't be needy; don't be too independent
— Love your body
— 40 percent of women would trade three to five years of their lives to achieve their goal body weight

There. Now, wasn't that easy?

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