Have you ever been in the mood for sex, tried to seduce your man and he turned you down? It's a strange feeling for a Woman. We learn through the actions of some men, that they seem to always want sex. Not only through their obsession with pictures of half naked women and porn, but our experiences with them while they are courting us. We can't help feeling that their end goal is to get us in bed. I think most women enjoy those moments, as do men, because they make us feel wanted and attractive.
So what changes once we are in a relationship? Honestly men, we know all the things that change, we get it. You are tired from work, you are stressed out about money, depressed even, but we have been trained (by you) to think much differently of the male libido.
At one point, one of my guy friends explained to me why he chose porn and masturbation over sex with his wife. It opened my eyes a little. In simple terms, he felt lazy, and masturbating took much less effort than putting out. There is a strong difference in most women and most men right here in this instance. Most women I have spoken with will chose to have sex with their partners (whether being in the mood or not) to make them happy. Men on the other hand, do not and honestly, physically cannot. So, we kinda get it, but why not talk to us about it. Instead we are often left with the feelings below.
Image: chispita_666 via Flickr
He doesn't find me attractive anymore.
Ok guys, so we don't get it. You have checked out the girl walking passed us down the street. You are constantly looking at your Chive app and sending the hot girl pics to your buddies. But when it comes to that moment in bed, when we reach over to seduce you, you are suddenly not in to it. It makes us feel like we don't turn you on. In this instance, maybe you could show some compassion to the girl who feels unattractive and explain what is going through your mind.
By the way if we don't turn you on anymore, we would be happier if you just moved on.
He is having an affair.
This one sucks, by the way! I don't think it happens when being turned down every once in a while. This feeling is usually generated after being turned down a lot. Trust me guys, no girl wants to have this thought in her brain. We love and trust you, we just can't figure out what is happening. We have been implanted with all these lies about men wanting sex all the time. So when we are constantly being turned down, we really don't know where else to go with it. Talk to us, we are your teammates. We get it, and all we want is to be wanted by you.
With much less practice, it takes just as much courage for a woman to seduce a man. We are (usually) quite used to being the one seduced. So guys please understand our dilemma-- without you teaching us how hard it is for you, we really have no idea. We are bombarded daily with visuals of unattainable goals. Woman on TV, in movies, and, quite honestly, in porn. Whether you think we are the most beautiful girls in the world, we often feel like we have little choice but to NOT believe it. Don't close off when we are sad that you won't have sex with us. Just try to understand where it comes from. Understand that we need to know that it isn't always us.