But before you meet “the one”, girlies, you must ask yourself this deceptively simple question: What do I want?
BMX totally knew what he was looking for. He had his profile hidden and his search parameters set for a certain age range and ethnicity; he told me I was EXACTLY his type (until I wasn’t ) But for me back then, I just went through my inbox mail, cherry picking the most attractive choices. Random Ramona strikes again.
And here’s the thing…to this day, many LONG months down the pof.com road, I can give you a big ol’ list of what I do NOT like in a name or profile picture of a potential meet and don’t even get me started on how not to send an email... Do they want to meet me or add me to your favourites? Later. Much.
But my list of what I DO want for the ideal man? That’s going to be shorter and a lot more vague. I could then try to articulate why I chose the five men with whom I ended up going past date one and that’s when it would go all Vaseline on the camera…because I, like many women, don’t know what I want until I want it.
Was it the profile picture? Yes, always. Was it ever just the profile picture? No, never.
Did they all have great, well written profiles? Well, they weren’t awful though one was literally two lines and even an amazing one only goes so far ie to your computer screen.
Did they send me captivating first messages? A couple no but yes, one did and another one was sharp and articulate and funny.
Did I like everything about them that was listed on their profile? No. Did I have to? No.
Can I give you any common characteristics among the five of them? Probably, if I wrack my brains and break down physical attraction, intellectual equality and emotional chemistry into a pie chart but what would be the fun of that?
Now, had I had this kickass list to shrink, laminate and stick in my teeny tiny date purse I might have gained much needed clarity much earlier on…or at least had something interesting to read in the all those restaurant bathroom stalls. But as great as it is, it won’t tell you what Mr. Perfect for You looks like, sounds like, talks like, walks like, FEELS like to be with. It doesn’t say who will make you feel the goddess you are. Only you can do that.
My point? I didn’t know what I wanted until I went on a first date with it so I’m saying you may not either until he walks up to you for the first time and you’re like: Oh. I want THAT. And that’s oh. kay.
Because even as great as that list is…and it is fucking awesome!...chemistry is indefinable and yet unmistakable. And it’s not necessarily going to look or feel the way you thought it would, but you WILL recognize it…trust me.
And that’s when you go for it because life is too short. Go big or go home, girls.
What do you want? If you know, please do tell.
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