What To Do When You Feel Like A Failure And Everything Sucks

4 years ago
This article was written by a member of the SheKnows Community. It has not been edited, vetted or reviewed by our editorial staff, and any opinions expressed herein are the writer’s own.

what to do when you feel like a failure

Sometimes everything sucks. So what to do when you feel like a failure?

Life throws us curveballs.

Major curveballs.

Sometimes, sh-t just happens. And when it happens, especially to those of us who like to have a “plan”, we wind up feeling like failures.

I see this a lot with my clients. A relationship doesn’t work out the way they had hoped, a job falls through – you know, usual life stuff.

And it feels devastating. Our confidence is left laying in bits and pieces on the floor.

I’m going to give it to you straight – you are bound to feel like a failure when you believe that you are your circumstances.

If it’s your job that defines you, or your relationship that defines you, you are setting yourself up for a feeling of failure and unhappiness.

Because quite frankly the belief that a single person or situation can be the sole source of our happiness is a pipedream.

It may feel like enough for a while, it may make you temporarily happy, but it will never ultimately make you happy. You’ll always feel like you want more.

So I’ll just tell you: You are not your circumstances.

Jobs come and go. People come and go. Money comes and goes.

But you are you. You are so much more than any of these things.

And believe me, I know how much it absolutely life-shatteringly sucks when things don’t work out the way we planned.

But sometimes we have to take a step backwards if we want to ultimately move forward.

A breakup can feel devastating when it happens, but chances are 10 years down the road you may even view it as the biggest blessing of your life.

Let me give you another example…

After graduating with a Master’s from Harvard University in Sustainability, I got what I thought would be my dream job.

Nine months later I found myself unemployed and working at The Cheesecake Factory.

Something I never want to relive. And something that very few people knew…well, until I published this article.

Was I embarrassed at the time?


Do you think people wondered why the f—k I graduated from Harvard and am now working as a waitress at one of America’s beloved chain restaurants?


Did I have no idea what I was going to do with my life and felt terrified every second of every day?

Mostly, yes.

But, there was a rainbow on the horizon.

Taking this step backwards launched me into the greatest forward momentum of my life.

I cultivated my purpose and my passion. I started my own business. I now get to spend my time and energy creating something that feels incredibly meaningful to me.


This doesn’t mean it’s always easy. It doesn’t mean that I don’t have bad days.

But, I am grateful that my life didn’t go according “to plan”.

I joke about this with my fiancé because it wasn’t exactly my plan to meet him either. And I’m very glad that The Universe had larger plans for me than I had for myself.

So, if a life-derailing moment has happened for you and left you feeling in shock and awe….breathe, my dear. It will all work out okay.

No, better than okay :)


To your success and happiness,

Alexis Signature


P.S. Want a free copy of my digital Self-Love Manifesto? CLICK HERE.

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