In the dance of the male-female relationship, men need something more than sex in order to open up their hearts. Men need to be admired and respected for who they are by a woman who will be kind to them.
From the time of their boyhood, men live in a world where they hear, “No, don’t do that.”
- Don’t run in here.
- Don’t touch that.
- Don’t cry.
- Stop teasing your sister.
In adulthood it becomes:
- Don’t put your feet, socks, shoes, plate, or whatever, there.
- Slow down, you’re driving too fast.
- Your too rough, smelly, hairy, inappropriate, loud.
- You’re insensitive.
Men often feel that they can’t win for trying. Their everyday interactions are not soft and forgiving. Women get hugs from their girlfriends, a listening ear, sympathy when they are in pain, and people in the community are often kind to them. Men are told “toughen up” when they are injured, and they are not usually getting hugs and “attaboy” from friends or co-workers. As a result, men appreciate the kindness they receive from their lady as a relief from the harsh world they experience outside of the home.
If a man is not treated with respect and kindness at home, he will withdrawal and place barriers between himself and his lady to protect himself. This is not the only reason he might protect his heart, but this caring acceptance is the number one need of a man in order for him to open up his heart and take a risk throughhonest intimacy.
Many times women feel that their man does not deserve respect simply because they don’t understand his actions or like everything that he does. It is important for women to recognize that men naturally act and behave far differently than women. They will never respond the way women will, even though that’s what many women expect them to do.
Men must be appreciated for their male qualities, for the things that they do differently and for the many things they do better than a woman.
If you are not appreciating your man and you are trying to change him into the guy you want, you will find it difficult to do. If you force your man to change from who he is, you will emasculate him. Once he has become who you want him to be, and lost all of his power, then you won’t find him attractive. You may love him as a friend and even like him a lot, but he won’t light your fire like he did when he was authentic and powerful. Alternatively you also have the option to encourage him to be the best he can be.
Your interest in your partner will diminish as you see him becoming less masculine. You may think it is wonderful to see his softer side, have him spend less time with the boys fishing and watching sports. You might like him doing chores at home, but the more that you encourage your man to be less himself and more tolerable to you, the less attractive you will find him in the long run.
With less power, he will lose his natural sexual drive and desire because he is no longer being authentic. He may initiate sex less often and even withdraw from touching and interacting through contact. Or, even worse, he may seek acceptance in another relationship.
Out of 26 countries polled, America is ranked 24th for how many times per week on average couples have sex. There is a serious epidemic in the decline in sexual interaction. Yet sex is how the male bonds with his partner. It is essential in a healthy relationship.
Ladies, you want deep, lasting love. Your man’s heart connects through attraction and sex. He is built that way and we are not going to change that. During sex, hormones are released that bond him with you over time. The more climaxes he has with you, the deeper he falls. Take away attraction and the sex will decrease; so will the bonding.
Bonding begins with him feeling your respect and appreciation so he feels safe in opening his heart to you and connecting with you through deep intimacy. Instead of making him wrong, be his greatest fan!
Diana Anderson coaches women on sexuality, deep intimacy and relationship dynamics. She is the author of Deep Sex, Always in the Mood, Your Secret Chamber and other books. Visit her at www.diana-anderson.com
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