The triangle relationship I was an unwilling participant in with my soon to be ex-husband and his "best friend" has parting gifts.
This past summer I took my kids on a month long vacation overseas to visit their grandparents. I came home to find new sheets on my bed.
I said to him, "Wow! I can't believe that you actually bought new sheets and made the bed so nice for me! That's my favorite thing ever, coming home after traveling and crawling into my own bed with clean sheets."
"Oh yes! Kelly got those for you! Isn't that so nice of her? She even cleaned the bedroom!", he declared.
Hold up. Kelly bought sheets for my bed? His "best friend", who I'm calling Kelly to protect her true identity (because I'm a freaking angle like that), bought me sheets that perfectly match the oil paintings I painted hanging over my bed.
"Don't you think that's a little weird?", I asked him.
"Why do you think that's weird? I think it's really nice. Look, she even swept under the bed."
"Uh, okay. If you say so."
I was so delirious from traveling twenty four hours, over six time zones, and with two kids under the age of 6 that I let the flashback of the movie Single White Female melt away from my brain. However, the thread count of those new sheets did not register unnoticed. I've gotta to give it to her, the girl has some good taste in sheets.
Two days passed before I noticed the new-to-me lawnmower and weed eater in the garage. The purchase of these things would not be that unusual if you are married to any guy other than the one I have been with. My guy hasn't mowed the lawn in a year. I took over that responsibility awhile ago, not that it ever really bothered me. I actually enjoy doing yard work. I consider my push reel lawn mower to be terrific exercise. Beats the hell out of cycling laundry all day in those damn HE washers that are supposed to be so life changing. I'd give anything to have my rusty old top loader back; it may have used thousands of gallons more a month than these new ones, but at least I could shove two comforters in that thing and they'd be clean in thirty minutes. But, I digress. What was I talking about? Oh yea, the mysteriously new-to-me gas powered lawn equipment.
"So, what's up with the gas mower? You plan on using that thing? Because the weeds in the backyard are as tall as our daughter."
"Oh yes! Kelly gave that to us! Isn't that so nice of her? She told me she thought I should help you with the yard work.", he says.
What the f@#*? What the hell is going on around here?
A week goes by and eventually I was able to put together what was happening. My soon to be ex husband had helped Kelly move into a new house. I'm not surprised by his involvement in this, because that was the pattern the two of them had created for themselves the past six months. She's a single mom; she needs help; she calls my husband to duty. And, not only had he helped her with her two kids..wait for it.. he had them staying in my house for a couple of weeks while I was halfway across the world! They were like one big happy f@^*#@%* family! He did more around the house the month I was gone than he has done the past year and a half with me there. Her nerdy little ADHD kids slept in my kids rooms. To this day I am still finding their grubby socks in loads of laundry.
I'm going to divorce him, but I'm keeping the lawn equipment. I've used it three times since the affair came to light. I have to say, the gas powered mower is really satisfying to operate. It's loud, practically brand new, and it cuts the hell out of my lawn. I'm still not sure if I want to part with the sheets or not. They are really, really soft!