Understanding Your Crew’s Dating Pool
How to Enjoy the Leftovers
Understanding that a crew mate is entitled to blow off a little steam once in a while, I’ve put together a list of Dooz and Donz, for da discerning wise guy. See my points below, and hey, if you have a beef wit any of my Tips for Tricks, come see me. Face to face, we will have a sit down and talk about it.
- The first thing to cover would be your glossary. All members of the crew’s dating pool, for example, are called “Bitches.” Any deviation from using the term “Bitches” would mean dat you’re a sissy bitch yourself. Haha. Ahem, pardon my humor. Some Bitches have more specific nick names, just so we know where they are coming from. For example, a Taco is known as a Bitch whose family has ties to the Mexican Cartel. (Note: You’ll wanna seriously be careful of these Bitches.) As we move along through this list, you might want to take note of any terms to use when procuring some of Our Town’s choicest pieces of Ass.
- You might also want to note a bit of history. Keep in mind these dating pools have been carefully tended and grown from generation to generation. Most Bitches don’t even know they’re part of a Crew dating pool, much less part of any kind of Organized Family. Dating from the pool is quite the art form, you will want to stay on your toes as beefing the wrong Bitch can most certainly result in your demise. Make sure to ask around, or check your alt boards on the Net. (Make sure you’re wearing your sunglasses – proxies are a necessity! What wit all da Feds buzzing around these days.)
- Anyways, like I said, Crew dating pools have been around from generation to generation. Most of the Bitches have been indoctrinated since they were young – either Incest, or rape, or some kinda abuse from their family. (Gotta keep em in line when they get older and discover they have a mouth!) When they get to be middle aged, they’re usually so scared or religious or submissive, that you will have no problems waiting to pluck one up and settle down until after you retire, when you’re like 60, hehe. (Bro’s for Life!!) Oh, one note: Stay away from the Divorced Old Ladies and the Dykes (or Bi-bitches) – these Bitches have been shunned for life, and no decent wise guy would touch em wit a 10 foot pole – and unless her Old Man comes sniffing around her back door, her goose is pretty much cooked – no decent job, no decent man – and short of getting plastic surgery and changing her name and moving out of town, she’s stuck sucking off her own kids or relatives for the rest of her life. Kinda sad, really.
- Anyways, back to “How to Find Free Candy.” Hehe. Another thing to look out for is the Smart Bitches. Smart Bitches have gone to college, and they usually think they’re “All That And A Bag Of Chips.” If you ask me, we’d ban Bitches from going to college all together, but Hell, nobodys asked me, so… Some of the Made guys might go after the Smart Bitches, or perhaps if you’re in need of a good cover or Beard, deez guys might go after the Smart Bitches. Keep in mind they are carefully watched and if they run off at the mouth even a little bit, they’re immediately given “The Treatment.”
- The Treatment consists of your basic negging and shunning. (You should already know this shit, bro, Google it.) If she still thinks she’s smarter than the crew, they may get together and rush her with the fleet, or put out an APB on her ass so that she can’t get no where, no how. Lock her computers down. Lock up her funds, lock up her kids, make sure she’s alone in the fucking wilderness that is Our Town. Because it is Our Fucking Town, not some Bitch’s.
- Safety Measures: Make absolutely sure when bringing a Bitch home – that it is either A: Not really your home, B: Your Well-Secured Playpen, or C: Your Bro’s Well-Secured Playpen. Also, driving around the block a few times, and making sure you have the wrong address lying around will help her stay confused. And Bro, if you use your “Real” car, you are just asking for trouble. Bitches tend to take their anger out on the cars when you love em and leave em.
- Now, the only drawback to all of dis, of course, is if a Bitch is crawling with Feds. For example, I knew one Bitch had a handler since she was 15, I shit you not. You ever heard of the DelFranco Family? No? My point exactly. This is why we get our Bitches young, and why we keep an eye on em. One Bitch could take down an entire Family, an entire crew, an entire income stream, and leave us all scratching our heads as to What The Actual Fuck Happened.
Thank you for listening. Next week: How to Record Your Bitch Acting Crazy (For Future Use) and Getting Your Old Lady to the Psychiatrist.