Ive been reading a number of articles lately about spicing of the marriage, and some commentors struck a chord in me when they piped in about their husbands being the ones less interested in sex. I have experienced this frustration, too, since over the course of 12 years with the same person, dry spells will obviously come and go. I have pined, raged, and despaired, only to spiral upwards into new bliss.
When you think about sexual desire in terms of chakras, some things about men with reduced sex drive become more clear. Yes, it is definitely about stress, but there is more to it than that.
The sacral chakra is located inside the core of the body a few inches below the belly button. It is an energy vortex that is responsible for the urinary and sexual organs, sexuality, territorial pissing, money, and power. It is located between the root chakra which signifies saying "I AM, I BELONG" and the solar plexus chakra which says "I WILL, I have INTEGRITY." Intense and orange, the sacral says "I CAN, I am POTENT", it is the fire of the loins that is responsible for jealousy, envy--and motivation, loyalty. Balanced, it is an incredible motivator of creative and protective strength. Unhinged, it fuels dominance, one-upsmanship, or conversely, self sabotage and cringing.
Men are challenged by our culture to engorge their sacral chakra energy with feats of territorial pissing and constant competition. Size matters--to men. Size of the bank account is witnessed by the same chakra as size of the penis, or extent of the territory seized. When a man is kicked in the balls by life, the sacral chakra experiences a reverberating trauma, a kundalini tsunami of destructive proportions. The ass cheeks clench for a toehold in his Tribe, the potency dries up, the self esteem plummets as ulcers form, the heart aches silently as the throat chakra closes, the third eye can only see loss, and the crown loses faith.
Some people just have their energy invested in other areas, and so sometimes sexual incompatibility is just a fact of life. Sometimes that low sex drive is due to some unresolved sexual trauma, as it was with my ex bf...when boys are abused in this way, it goes deep underground, like a Cask of Amontillado.
But I can speak from my experience of 11 years of passionate, sexy marriage that my husband's potency waxes and wanes with things like income gains and losses and his sense of social status among his peers, but especially his sense of CONTROL over his OWN DESTINY.
I agree with posters who are frustrated with being told to spice it up. I am at times of my cycle very like a nympho and it's a good thing i have a strong moral code of monogamy or my marriage would be in real trouble when my sex drive far outstrips hubby's. Sometimes I feel like climbing the walls or clawing the couch, and then I start projecting negative sacral chakra energy at him: "FEED ME SEYMOUR!!!"
This can be a counterproductive trap, a war waged by wearing nighties as a weapon--or you can use it to peel some more layers of your onions and discover greater depths of connection by getting 100% honest. That means partners taking turns making themselves utterly vulnerable, and keeping one another safe.
As my husband and I delve into absolute truth and absolute trust, peeling away our layers of childhood hangups and myths we agreed to at less evolved points in our lives, we keep adding layers to our unified marital onion. And the sex becomes transcendant. It keeps evolving into new states of passion and ecstasy I never knew existed.
Much of the marital advice surrounds "Date Nights" which may seem ridiculous. However, I believe date nights make us proud of each other. Date nights give me a reason to look amazing, not just for him to admire as I greet him at the door, but for him to parade around, counting coup against all the other men in the restaurant. Date nights fill his sacral chakra with manly heat, as I compliment his butt and gaze up into his eyes like a groupie. Then we go home and fall asleep in a food coma. The next day is usually the super hot sexy fun time, with sexting all thru his work day and the kids ready for an early retreat when he gets home.
The thing men like best about sex? Having it with a woman who obviously enjoys it and lets him know how/what he's doing right. That, too, fires up his sense of control, feeds his sacral chakra, engorges his cock.
Have fun understanding YOUR man. The best part is, it encourages and empowers him to understand YOU. I highly recommend the book "Urban Tantra" by Barbara Carrellas.
Love and Light,
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