The Truth Behind..He's Just Not That Into You.

3 years ago

One thing that I have learned earning my degree in School Counseling is some of the funny conversations we have with students. I was talking to one of my classmates, a male who is in his early 20's while I am in my middle 20's.  We were talking about interviewing which than lead to conversations with students. 

It is my personal opinion that young females have it a little easier as School Counselors when working with students. The boys tend to be alright with females as long as you can get by on sports and different things of that nature. Girls tend to want a girlfriend to be open and honest with. For young males it can be more difficult just like in teaching..have to be careful with the girls...for crushes..and with the boys you can't intimadate them. It is a different dynamic that I could be wrong about. 

My advice to my classmate was if a female student decides they are comfortable enough to talk about boys with honest with them. The problem with a lot of women....mind you there are exceptions to every rule...I admit to not being an exception to the rule lol. The problem is when we talk to girlfriends about guys..little nonchalant things can be made into big things. We have the best intentions when we do this and I feel like in our minds we want to believe this so we do. Girlfriends talking about guys...turn just a high five...into an oh my god he is totally in love with you.  Why we do this I don't know..I think we just want it to be true..we want our efforts to mean something...we want the guy to like us that we want.  The problem is half the time we get disappointed because we take that little thing and make it a big thing. That is when our actions go in the wrong direction and can lead a guy to back off or just plan stop talking to us.  Where as if we just chilled out about the high five and kept things casual..maybe it would lead to more things. 

This is what lead to the whole He's Just Not That Into You movie comment. As much as when we watch it us women want to say this is totally not true..the more times I watch it..the more truth I see.  I am not trying to down my own sex....I have the same faults....I have the perfect example to prove it. A guy I mentioned before that I met online....the one I really wanted it to work with.  After talking to my counselor I realized....I was really invested and intense about a potential relationship that was fresh and new...and with a person I didn't know very well. I didn't realize this until she asked me that very question..why are you so invested in this?  I couldn't answer her..I couldn't even answer inside my head as to why. Then I realized why during my state exam is coming up..I am so afraid of failing that in order to not think about it I focused on the potential relationship.  I put all my energy and emotions into fantasy dream relationship...that I didn't realize that the intensity would scare him away. I am so afraid of failing and full of self doubt that it lead me to just jump into I don't even know if I even wanted. I don't even know if I had feelings for him. I think I probably do but I don't know because the exam hasn't come yet. 

Luckily I had this session cause just after it I had a message from him saying this wouldn't work.  I was able to explain to him what I was going through and tell him the truth of the matter. We decided to be friends and get to know each other that romantic pressure at all. Things are weird and I don't know if we will ever get back to that fun pair ever..I hope we will but god only knows. All this because I have been so worried about an exam that by all accounts means nothing...nothing about I work with kids..nothing other than I have to take it. Now my situation was linked to the past and an upcoming event. I have had times where I thought because a guy messaged me that he likes me or because he liked a status that he was into me.  I wish I could change this about me...that jump to excitement..that being laid back and letting them come to me.  Maybe one day when I like myself I will be able to do that. 

I wish that I could go back to those days when I got told..he did this so he likes me. I wish instead I would have just been told a high five is just a high five. Liking a status is just liking a status...that you don't need to keep working so hard to get them to like you or that you don't need to worry about every little thing.  I wish I could show the young girls now that them the heartache and disappointment of hoping there is something there when there might not be. I don't want to kill their dreams or make them not believe in love. I do believe in love and I believe that one day the one that is right for me will come into my life..or I will have already met them and it will just be like a light bulb going off. I just feel girls should know the different between..just a high five...and a real sign a guy likes you. This is what carries into adulthood and effects our future relationships. It is what makes us blind to the actual decent people out there..chasing after the one just trying to get some. The one who wants more will do more to be with you....the one that wants for you a one night..will tell you all the things you want to hear right away..and want the bedroom right away. 

Maybe He's Just Not That Into You is not the 100% truth...nobody is ever the norm...none of us fits into a box. We are all unique and different..we made stupid mistakes..and fall in love with a dream sometimes. When that dream state stops what is really there breaks our hearts.  Sometimes than we let a man make us bitter and bitchy to guys who don't deserve it. Why should we do that to good guys? Why should guys punish us for the past women in their lives? Personally I am tired of getting excited for the high five...I want more...and one day I will have it. When I do I will know it because they will do whatever they can do keep me around.  I hope if anything is taken out of is that all females know that...that is what we deserve. 


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