The reality of it is that almost every one of us will go through a break-up, probably many of them. Very few of us spend our lives with our first love. It’s an inevitable part of life.
Here are my top five myths about breaking up.
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- Our relationship failed. Probably not. Chances are high your relationship ran a natural course. It started, it happened, and it ended. It doesn’t mean anything or anyone failed.
- There has to be a good enough reason. Men are pretty good at just walking away from a relationship because it seems like it’s over to them. Women, on the other hand, feel like they need a good enough reason. Maybe it’s abuse or an affair. Maybe it’s just holding out until the fighting is finally unbearable. Not being happy is a good enough reason to end a relationship. No other excuse needed. You don’t need a hall pass.
- Someone has to be right and someone has to be wrong. Nope. No one has to be either. There doesn’t have to be a villain or a victim. No one has to take sides. You can just have two people who go their separate ways.
- Breaking up is hard to do. Sometimes. Sometimes not. I’ve had some pretty traumatic break-up experiences. I’ve had some that simply weren’t. Sometimes the breaking up process started weeks or months before the actual break-up even began, so by the time it’s happened, the healing is mostly over. Making up a story about how hard it has to be isn’t necessary. A break-up is a blank slate. Treat it as such.
- It has to be permanent. It doesn’t. Now I am not a fan of “we’re taking a break.” I think that’s a recipe for disaster. Be in or be out. However, sometimes after people get out, they get back in. They get some space, some perspective, or some maturity and realize they really do love each other. No one ever really knows how things roll between two hearts and that’s OK. Needing to know the end of the story can ruin a good book. Just let it be what it is today, and if it’s over, it’s over, for now or forever. Stay away from absolutes.
The Love Whisperer
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