Too Proud to Beg for the Spots to Change

5 years ago
This article was written by a member of the SheKnows Community. It has not been edited, vetted or reviewed by our editorial staff, and any opinions expressed herein are the writer’s own.
I was forced to end my last two serious relationships. One was due to near-physical force, the most recent was purely emotional. Both equally gut-wrenching towards the end.  Okay, that’s all the whining you’ll get from me from now on, I promise.
Ex #1 tried to win me back and failed miserably. But let’s face it, how could I forgive my World War 3 opponent? The most recent bum who I fell hard for shortly after Ex #1 (we’ll call him Dick, and the pun is definitely intended) didn’t make a single gesture when I ended things. No matter how much I wished he would, there were never any “I’m sorry” flowers or love notes asking for me back. Not a day went by that I didn’t try to induce telekinesis on Dick (think back to the book, Matilda… or perhaps I was resembling Carrie at the time) so that he’d show up outside my apartment window, holding up a boom box, blasting a totally awesome love jam. In my warped universe he would have thrown on some Temptations“Ain't too Proud to Beg,” and I would have been Dick's forever.  Though born in the ‘80’s, I’ll take Motown over cheesy rock ballads any day.
I'm sure you are just as shocked now as I was to realize that my Jedi-mind trick skills weren’t strong enough. Dick never showed up at my window.
I was out for a fancy dinner in the city with my family recently getting grilled about men by my Nana – a fiery Irish lass who never leaves a stone unturned with her inquiries. During the typical twenty-questions sesh on this particular evening, she asked me what my "type" is. Instead of giving the BS “tall, dark and handsome” response, I gave the pathetic “I’ve had one too many cocktails” response and whimpered,“Dick is my type.”
“Well that’s just too bad, because Dick doesn’t want to be with you,” my Mom (who may have also had one too many cocktails) chimed in.  Quite possibly the worst and best retort all at the same time.
I was speechless. ‘Aren’t parents supposed to lie to their kids to help build their confidence?’ I thought…
Well, I guess not. But thanks anyway, Mom.  And thanks for drinking several dirty martinis that night.
I ended up going out with some friends later that night and met a real good guy. We’ve gone on some lovely dates. Although I’m just not that into him, he's been a complete gentleman, and much closer to the kind of dude I should be looking for.
But from that night on, I realized despite being told multiple times by Dick and Ex #1 that they’re “ready to change” for me, that since it never happened when we were together, it never will. If someone wants to be with me, I’ll know it. I won't be second-guessing his love and devotion to me. I won’t have to bargain or beg. Yes, I am finally TOO proud to beg.
I’m fully re-entering the dating game after a four-year hiatus and am now faced with the dreadful task of learning about what will make me happy individually and in a relationship. So far I’ve learned that I’d rather be alone and do the things that make me feel good right now than to give my heart and sacrifice my precious time for someone who won’t give me all that and more back. I don’t want to change for anyone, and in the future, if I find “Mr. Right” I know he won’t have to change for me. There will be compromise, but it will come naturally.
I’m about four months single and that’s as far as I’ve gotten.
So for all you gals in a dead-end relationship that you’re putting 110% of yourself into and getting far less than that back (if you’ve read this piece all the way to this point, I MAY BE TALKING TO YOU)… it’s time to bail, because you’re on a rollercoaster ride that’s heading straight off Niagara Falls.

And if you don’t believe me, just ask your Mom.