When you’re in a serious relationship — long after the butterflies have flown away and the honeymoon stage is over, things can get boring. One key way to keep things fresh is to remain mindful of how you communicate with one another. Nothing compares to the amazing feeling of being able to sit down and have a good conversation about the serious, silly, and simple things with the one you love.
Recently, my husband and I were winding down after a long day and started chatting about random things. The conversation evolved into this great discussion about love and marriage, sparked by Jada Pinkett-Smith’s recent commentary on the same subject. We asked each other questions, listened quietly for the answers, and we’re both able to provide each other with really good insight into a few things. As busy people with jobs, school, a toddler, and household stuff to take care of, it was very refreshing to just sit and talk about love and life.
Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith arriving at the premiere of 'Free Angela and All Political Prisoners' at The Schomburg Center for Research in Black Culture on April 3, 2013 in New York City (Image: © Nancy Rivera/Ace Pictures/ZUMAPRESS.com)
The depth of our friendship was revealed through that conversation. I felt heard. He felt appreciated. We really felt connected to each other.
The discussion put us both in a good space and those good vibes led to great sex.
You know why?
Because good conversation is sexy!
These are three reasons why I call a great conversation the ultimate panty dropper:
It indicates friendship: Don’t miss how important that is! In all romantic relationships, but especially in marriage, your partner should be your best friend and closest confidante. That connection is what lasts and carries you through the difficult times (trust me). You should be able to tell your partner what’s on your mind and heart, without fear of rejection or judgement. That’s not always easy, but it’s worth the effort to maintain a healthy friendship with your mate!
We feel understood: There’s nothing worse than feeling misunderstood. While that’s unavoidable at times, it can be worked through with an understanding and patient partner. Always commit to speak from the heart and trust that your mate will do the same. When we feel listened to, we feel respected. Feeling respected leads to feeling valued. Feeling valued leads to feeling less vulnerable. Decreased vulnerability leads to less inhibition. And that leads to…yep, you guessed it…
It promotes intimacy: Practicing healthy communication habits promotes intimacy in a relationship (for many of the same reasons listed in the previous point). Communication (through conversation) helps you get to know each other better. It allows you to feel more connected to each other and helps to draw you closer. That feeling of closeness fosters an environment for intimacy to flourish. It’s an on-going thing that should be practiced regularly.
What other ways can conversation be the kind foreplay that leads to great sex? Can you think of any other non-physical ways of getting into the "mood"?