Thank God I Didn't Shave My Legs

4 years ago

Well, for crying out loud. If you can't trust somebody who deals with the dead on a daily basis, who can you trust? I mean seriously, I ask there no decency left in this world? I didn't hear from him all day on Friday, which was no biggie because we had already kind of made plans where to meet and when. After work, around 4, I emailed him just to be sure we were still on. At 5:30 he emails me back to tell me he is on his way back from Casa Grande (a little town an hour or so away) and wants to know if we can put our meet and greet off until Monday.

By this point I had dropped the kids off at their dads, showered, and seriously contemplated shaving my legs. Thank God he caught me before I began that dreaded chore. Guys, let me clue you in on something. Yes, we girls LOVE to have smooth, soft skin on our legs. Of course we do, it's just as sexy to us as it is to you. HOWEVER. Getting to the legs you see in the razor commercials is WORK. Not just ordinary grooming. WORK. You have to shave, and lotion, and then go back and shave again as soon as cold air hits your legs and goosebumps make teeny prickly hairs stand on end down there. Then you have to lotion again. At that point you have maybe three hours of golden time before you start getting prickly again.
Don't make the mistake of thinking waxing is any easier, first you have to wait a week or two for your hair to get long enough to wax. That's an eternity in a town dominated by shorts and tank tops. THEN, no matter how good a technician you get, she can never, ever get all the hair off!  She always misses spots, and you can pick between shaving the rest or waiting for those suckers to grow in and hope they get waxed off the next time. I tell you all this so that maybe you will APPRECIATE the gift we are giving you when we shave our legs for you. It is a big deal. Don't be like my lame, E-harmony, can't even be bothered to hide the fact that he has acne, doesn't cancel a date until a half-hour beforehand, funeral director. Be worthy. Be there.

I emailed him back and told him that NO, of course I can't just get together on Monday. I have 3 kids. Those kids have needs, and they come first. I am not leaving them with a babysitter so that I can give Mr. "better with the dead than the living" a THIRD chance.

Then, a funny thing happened. I was relieved. And not just because this meant I didn't have to shave. I have been feeling so much pressure because my ex is moving in with his girlfriend next weekend, I convinced myself that what I wanted to do was start dating. Truthfully? I don't. I just don't. I have every single thing I could possibly want already, and trying to find a way to squeeze any man, no matter how wonderful, into my full and happy life is just not something I want to do. I thought my weight was holding me back, but it's not that, it's me. I am happier as a single person than I ever was as a wife or a girlfriend. Now that I have all the children I want, is there really any reason to get married again, ever? Being alone makes me relaxed and happy, not lonely and desperate. That is the truth, and I am going to let it set me free. I am single, and I love it.


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