I recently posted a list of ten things I will not accept in a relationship. I have received a lot of great feedback from that post... all of which I appreciate.
While making that first list, I also made many other lists of tens. Here is the next installment. I hope you enjoy it!
Ten Things I Must Have In A Relationship
I have been in loveless relationships before, as I am sure all of you have. I don't like them. They are taxing and tiring and all too often leave scars on my soul. I must have love. I was created to love and be loved. Therefore, I will no longer allow myself to be in a relationship that is void of that one all important amazing and totally wonderful emotion we call love. This includes friendship, romance, passion and the ever elusive unconditional kind of love. It is possible to have and I intend to have it.
Many women accept being disrespected. Just listen to any top 40 station on the radio for five minutes and you are certain to hear a woman referred to as a "ho". To think that some girls believe this to be a compliment is amazing to me. I am not a "ho", nor am I a doormat, a slave, a maid or a short order cook. I am an amazing, talented, intelligent, loving, kind and generous woman and I deserve to be respected. I deserve respect from my children, my friends, my boss, my co-workers, the stranger on the street and most of all from any men I find myself in the company of. So do you.
It is an attribute that is often overlooked in today's fast-paced, microwave society. Many employers would rather replace a dedicated worker with a cheaper imitation than pay more for the experience. Equally, many employees will jump from job to job to job rather than be loyal to a company and work their way up the ladder. In the same sense, people too often quit relationships for silly reasons instead of staying together through the tough times. Loyalty seems to be a thing of the past, but it is something I will not do without. I am a loyal friend, a loyal employee, a loyal parent and a loyal partner. I expect the same.
Is this too much to ask? Really? Is it so hard to remain faithful to the one you claim to love? In today's society it seems as if it is impossible. I hear people talking about being "swingers" and I am baffled at the concept. What happened to good, old-fashioned monogamy? I, for one, will be faithful, and I expect my significant other to do the same.
Another attribute that seems to have been lost along the path to enlightenment in honesty. People seem to think that a "little white lie" is harmless. I tend to disagree. Honesty is the basic ingredient in any relationship. It fosters trust, which in turn brings about respect, love and loyalty. Without trust, there is nothing, and without honesty there can be no trust.
In any relationship, balance is a must have. As I stated in my previous blog, imbalance fosters bitterness and causes the deterioration of love. I enjoy giving to others, but I now know that I must also allow myself to receive. Balance is something that can be achieved and must happen if there is to be success in any relationship.
7. Support & Encouragement
Cheerleaders are an important aspect of sports. They can make or break a team. A cheering crowd can turn the tide of a game. Why do you think home court/field is considered an advantage? In relationships, support and encouragement are vital. Everyone needs cheerleaders in their life. When I need a little push to do something that scares me, I appreciate the fact that someone is there to encourage me; to tell me I can do it; to push me off the cliff if necessary. It is an important aspect of life that I will no longer do without.
When I have had a bad day, it is really wonderful to come home to a sympathetic ear and my comfy pajamas. If I am sad, I need a shoulder to cry on. When I am depressed, I need a person to listen to my complaints and give me a pat on the back. It is something we all need and must have in our relationships. I am quick to lend an ear to an ailing friend, and I am glad to receive the same in return when I am in need.
Life is too short to be a sour puss. I love to laugh. I need to laugh. We all do. Laughter is the best medicine, right? Therefore, I am determined to inject humor into all the relationships in my life. I appreciate a good joke, a funny anecdote or a silly story. Good belly laughter is good for the soul.
This goes along with loyalty, honesty, fidelity and respect. I want the people in my life to be accountable to me. This includes my children, my friends and my significant other. I need to be accountable to them too. It is just good manners to let someone know if you are going to be late and why. My mother raised me that way, and I don't think it is too much to ask. It fosters trust, and as I said before, trust is a necessary component in any relationship.
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