On March 31, 2010, I decided to follow my unorthodox mind instead of my spirit within, my intuition, to relocate for love. My ex and I decided to become engaged after four months of knowing one another and got married within six months. As I look back at this, neither one of us was thinking about this major decision. At first, I was excited to relocate to Chicago to finally be united with the “temporary love of my life” but slowly but surely the thrill was gone before the inked dried on the marriage certification. When I finally decided to make the drastic, impulsive, and one-sided decision to relocate to Chicago, my family, friends, and co-workers at the time questioned my decision. People who intimately know me, know that I take my time and plan out things before making an irrational decision. In life you have to take risks and this was one huge risk I took. I definitely took one for the home-team!
Relocating for love was one of the hardest and drastic decisions made thus far. I thought relocating was a piece of cake since I relocated from my humble abode of Boston, MA to attend my dream University since the age of 9, Tuskegee University and from Tuskegee University to The University of Southern Mississippi for graduate school in which I knew nothing about Mississippi and knew no one who could show me the ins and outs of Mississippi.
But relocating to Chicago was different because I was tired of being in a long distance relationship, days in and days out of communicating via emails, text messages, Facebook, and long, lonely phone conversations. I was longing for date nights, long walks in the park, and Public Display of Affection. My ex and I had plenty of conversations about relocating and who was going to relocate to where. Of course being the independent, flexible, and adaptable woman that I am, I decided to take the plunge and relocate to Chicago. Wrong move! I knew I had to suck it up because I had a gut feeling that my significant other was not going to be able to handle being away from somewhere he called home for 29 years. But what about Andrea’s feelings? All that was pushed to the side just to be in so-called loved.
Being away from my support system was already strenuous enough but being away from no support system to a territory I’m not familiar with and no one but my significant other to relied on was going to be a long journey. A long journey is a nice metaphor for what I have experienced during my duration of being a resident of Chicago within the Hyde Park neighborhood. My significant other and I agreed that we were going to give Chicago a maximum two year trial since I made the ultimate sacrifice to leave the comfort of my career, family,friends, and social life to be with him. I went from a comfortable lifestyle to being unemployed for six months, stressed, miserable, and dependent due to a decision that I made.
The end result? I went six months of being unemployed, fifteen pounds heavier, miserable, and unhappy. Living in a major city like Chicago, having a Master of Social Work came a dime a dozen during this recession. On top of that, I was an outsider and no one would take a chance on hiring me. After putting in literally 150 resumes, I finally found a full-time/long term temporary job with a social service agency making less than my rural dialysis social worker job.I was just thankful to be gainfully employed once again. I wasn’t receiving no financial support from my then husband at the time, but thank God for my savings and family.
After months of an emotional roller coaster, I finally decided that my chapter here in Chicago is over. Well it never really started because it wasn’t meant for me to be here from the start. I was brought here to learn a lesson and boy have I learned the lesson. I will make sure to not to repeat history all over again. I am literally starting over, after my ex-husband left me, I decided that it is best for me to take my talents, skills, and love to my humble beginnings of the New England area and restart my life. I’m excited to restart my life because I have another opportunity to boost my career and kick off my communications and event coordinating business, be around positivity, love, and support from my family and friends, and be in healthy and loving marriage one day.
Relocating for love can be a blessing or a curse. I take accountability and responsibility for my my behalf for relocating on an impulse. I am sure there are plenty of people who weathered the storm of relocating for love. In my situation, I consider it a blessing and a curse because I learned a valuable lesson and I’m standing stronger than ever. As for my ex, I wish only the best for him and his future endeavors.
Here are some questions to ask yourself before you “Relocate for Love”?
Have you spent enough time with this individual to truly know who they are?
Do you like their family and friends?
Have you thoroughly checked out this person, done background checks, etc. to make sure you’re not being scammed?
Has this person committed to helping you in your relocation or will they let you sink or swim?
If the shoe was on the other foot, will this person relocate for you?
Brown Girl From Boston
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